Joys

Southern charm

/ Sheila / 18 Comments

We’ve escaped! We’re on the road for a month, away from work, cold, rain, snow, and routine. We’re spending the next few weeks in the South, seeing family, looking for sun and fun, relaxing, getting in some vacation and down time.

This month we’ll be in Georgia, Tennessee, Mississippi, and Florida. We’re spending our vacation time driving, hiking, planning, writing, trading, eating, sleeping, and playing. We’re also going to experience our first-ever cruise, which we’ve been inspired to do after watching cruise ships come in and out of Ketchikan for the past three years. But we don’t need to do Alaska. We’ve opted for the Caribbean, which will be a lot warmer and, I hope, a lot drier.

This time will also allow us to reconnect with parents and extended family, and that will be good. I have some personal trysts to keep, a good-bye to say to my grandmother, who passed away in November. This trip will bring that reality home to me. A visit to the cemetery is in order, and my mom wants to take care of some legal chores during this visit. But in the midst of the serious and the sad, there will be smiles, joy, favorite foods, good memories to explore, and to create.

We’re also doing an eating tour, sampling our Southern favorites: barbecue, farm-raised catfish, Cuban food in Florida, my mom’s and my mother-in-law’s specialities. And along the way, we’re sampling whatever we find that stirs a memory or triggers a craving. Here’s the one we experienced today:

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All I needed to see was the sign on the highway…exit now! And we did. Boiled peanuts are a Southern delicacy, a traditional favorite of childhood. These were really good: warm, just the right amount of salt, soft, but not too soft. Because the peanuts are sold in the shell, and the shells are moist from boiling, your fingers get a little shriveled as you shell the nuts and eat. But that’s just the price you pay for these warm little nuggets of goodness. Like the famous chips, no one can eat just one. “One more, one more,” they call to me, and I eat and eat, reminding myself that it’s not every day I find a boiled peanut vendor along the roadside. I’m practically obligated to eat the whole bag. Rob got a few, I’m happy to report. I was a polite pig.

Well, maybe you have to try them to understand. But if you ever have the opportunity, take it.

And now, let the vacation begin!

First kiss of the day

/ Sheila / 10 Comments

When my kids were little, baby and toddler stages, I kissed them frequently. One morning, picking up Alex, I said, “First kiss of the day!” as I was getting my first soft snuggle from his baby cheek. I knew it was only the first of many kisses I would give during the day, and it became a frequent phrase in my thought. Sometimes I even voiced it out loud. Mostly, it was a way of marking a brief moment, recognizing that for that day, I had the ability to scoop up my little ones and hold them close.

But things change. I rarely get to kiss them now. Distance makes that impossible. They’re all grown up, and the time of easy, daily interaction has passed.

Not long ago, I walked by the sofa where Rob was sitting and impulsively bent down and kissed him. I thought, “First kiss of the day!” Of course, I don’t have the constant interaction with him that I had with my little ones all those years ago. Most days, we are busy with work, errands, to dos. Most days we don’t have, or take, the time to just sit with each other. But I thought, in that flash of insight, why don’t I mark the moments with him? The big ones are easy to see, and we do mark those. But the little ones, the day after day ones, those slip by so easily. Mostly because we see each other as two busy adults. We know children are growing fast, and one day won’t be within easy reach for a kiss or hug throughout the day. But adults? I think even in good marriages, we just take it for granted, too often.

So my new thing…I’m going to mark the little moments more often. I’m going to try to really see the person drinking coffee with me, running errands with me. I’m going to practice saying, once again, “First kiss of the day!”

Rob’s philosophy

/ Sheila / 8 Comments

From a discussion last weekend…my philosopher at large, aka my husband, Rob…

The goal of life is hope.

The pathway to the goal is love.

The gate that obstructs the path is pride.

The key to the gate is forgiveness.

Mo betta with two

/ Sheila / 8 Comments

Rob is coming home this morning. After a week apart, my heart is singing to see him again. I tell him, “It’s mo betta with two,” a silly phrase left over from a vacation a while back.

I’m astonished to recognize, after thirty years together, that I feel stronger about him now than when we were young and “in love.” You would think we would be worn out with each other. We are in love now, but without quotation marks. We have been through nitty and gritty, through thick and thin. And truly, what relationship of any depth doesn’t weather the ups and downs? We are hardly unique.

But what I see now is that we are finally in a place to appreciate each other, to be together, without all the noise. Without the daily stress of family raising, career building, without the need to protect or reserve part of self. We are free to be ourselves, and to be together. If that sounds trite, so be it. I can’t explain it better.

These moments don’t come all at once. They build over time, and recognition is slow for me. I’ve known all this for a while. But separation makes it fresh, brings it home again. My partner is coming home. And while we are not always right for each other, we are always good for each other. We are perfect together. It’s mo betta with two.

My father’s 80th birthday

/ Sheila / 23 Comments

Today my dad would have turned 80. He died four years ago on February 1, just a few days shy of his birthday.

It is hard to believe it has been four years since that day. My mom has adjusted, as much as possible. She is busy, active, energetic, continuing to pursue their life dream of mission efforts. But she doesn’t forget, of course.

How does it work that life goes on, the current carries us on? There is no choice, that’s how it works.

I think of him often, at odd moments here and there. Little things bring him to mind, and four years down the road, the sadness is mostly gone, and sweetness is in its place. The memories are good, and I smile when I’m reminded of some funny thing he said or did. Sometimes the tears still come, often when I least expect it, surprising me that emotion can bubble up, nearer the surface than I knew.

I’ve been thinking a lot about creating passion in my life. I should say, expanding passion. There are some things I am passionate about, primarily my family. I think about my dad, and how he displayed that quality in his life.

He wasn’t a flashy person, not the cool one in the crowd. But he was a man of faith, an old fashioned faith that wasn’t about fame or fortune. He was a minister, a preacher, a missionary. He had goals for sharing his faith, and he pursued them. He spent most of his life focused on sharing his faith with others, and lived many years in foreign countries to accomplish that goal. He and my mom were partners in life and in faith, and their mission was their passion.

The last couple of years of his life he was not able to travel, except to doctors’ appointments and to hospitals. His world grew smaller, at a time when mine was expanding. It was about that time that Rob and I moved to Alaska, and we traveled a lot. I always called when we traveled, checking in. I would hear his voice, “Where are you now?” A little wistful, it seemed to me. I’m sure he was thinking of past years when he was well and able to be about his life’s work. It pricked my heart to know that he would likely not make those journeys again.

This week I’m traveling again, in Anchorage for a training, and I heard a little voice in my head as I was packing. “Where are you now?” I’m right here, Daddy, thinking of you, and wishing I could sing happy birthday to you in person. But you’re where you belong, too. I know that because I also have a faith. It is a bit different from my dad’s. My faith has not prompted me to live abroad, or to choose a missionary life. But it is there, nonetheless.

Milestone birthdays are always special, celebrated with a little extra excitement. If my dad was here, we would do a big family gathering, make a special event of the day. But without him, of course that isn’t happening. Still, I like to think that he’s having his party. I like to think that he’s off on a journey, traveling like he loved to do. And because I haven’t been on that journey myself, I ask him, “Where are you now?”

Happy Birthday to my dad. Happy birthday, Daddy.

Use what you’re given

/ Sheila / 6 Comments

I saw this recently and liked the thought…

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.

If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart.

Food for inspiration: Lemon Cream Cheese Cupcakes

/ Sheila / 10 Comments

As everyone knows, you think better with food. Especially with something that is a luscious blend of comfort and decadence. Lemon cream cheese cupcakes fit that description perfectly. This is my new favorite sweet treat, not to be confused with something low calorie. If I haven’t said it before, I’m saying it now: you will never find a low calorie dessert on my table, unless the dessert is just fruit. My dessert philosophy is really quite simple: if I’m dieting, I don’t need dessert. If I’m eating dessert, I must not be dieting. So now you know.

The ingredients are standard pantry and fridge items, so this is a great treat to bake on a whim. That’s usually when I whip out my cupcake pan…when I just want a little something without having to run to the market.

I would eat them all, but, alas, that could be ugly, by anyone’s standards! I typically share part of the batch. Check it out for yourself, you may want to have a sweet feast. And best, this is easy, so easy!

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Lemon Cream Cheese Cupcakes
(I think the original recipe is from Kraft. Honor to whom honor is due.)

Ingredients:

1 pkg. (2-layer size) white cake mix
1 pkg. (3.4 oz.)JELL-O Lemon Flavor Instant Pudding
1 cup water
4 egg whites
2 Tbsp. oil
1 pkg. (8 oz.) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter, softened
2 Tbsp. lemon juice
1 pkg. (16 oz.) powdered sugar

Method:

HEAT oven to 350ºF.

BEAT first 5 ingredients in large bowl with mixer on low speed until moistened. (Batter will be thick.) Beat on medium speed 2 min. Spoon into 24 paper-lined muffin cups.
BAKE 21 to 24 min. or until toothpick inserted in centers comes out clean. Cool in pans 10 min.; remove to wire racks. Cool completely.
BEAT cream cheese, butter and juice with mixer until well blended. Gradually add sugar, beating on low speed after each addition until well blended. Spread onto cupcakes.

OR: if you don’t want to make a cream cheese icing, pick up a can of cream cheese frosting at the market. I’ve made my own, which is yummy, following the recipe, and I’ve also used the prepared cream cheese frosting. Believe me, either choice will be perfect!

One last tip, shared by my daughter: these are delicious as soon as they’ve cooled enough to frost, but they take on an extra special goodness if you chill them before serving. I don’t know what it is; the cupcakes seem to be a bit denser in texture, if you like that. I do, so I typically build in enough time to chill, after frosting, and before sampling.

Enjoy!

Hide and Seek

/ Sheila / 4 Comments

I’m in gathering mode. I’m learning. What a challenge it is to reinvent yourself! I have a stack of books by my bed, I have more downloaded on my Kindle, and I’m finding new resources online through blogs and websites. Information overload! All this reading makes it hard to produce. One of the cardinal rules of writing is to write. Stay with it. Once again, I find that my blog has been on the back burner.

I like to think I’m a multi-tasker extraordinaire, but maybe I’m not…I tend to get a bit sidetracked by what I’m reading, get lost in the maze of discovery. I’m researching the process of writing a book here and here; reading about life mapping here and creating passion in life here; learning more about blogging and the digital world, here; and looking for mentors and events to broaden my horizon here. I’ve also picked up a couple of books that are (deceptively) simple “how tos” for increasing happiness here and getting along with others, here. More about these later.

I’m learning new programs, taking my conversion to Apple to the next level by working through the Pages and Numbers programs.

And I’m working relief for PeaceHealth clinics and taking on some project work on a contract basis for another organization. I feel a bit like I’m back in college, having a day job, and coming home to start a mental second shift. I’ve been ramping up to this for a while, but transitioning away from a full-time position in January has upped the stakes. I have a bit more freedom to concentrate on my own projects, but also more risk. I have to admit, I miss the regular check already, although I love not having to think about my leave balance when I make plans to travel.

All this makes me wonder…what’s really next? I committed to this path last summer…well, at least I committed to leaving full-time work at the new year. Hard to know where all of this will lead. I get conflicting messages. There’s the belief that if you don’t script out your life (life mapping) you’re in danger of wandering aimlessly without focus or clearly defined purpose. Some believe that your passion and your career work should be intertwined. Some believe that your passion does not necessarily reflect your skills…that your skills and your gift are not the same. I read something a few days ago that said that we don’t have to search for our passions, they find us. Just like we don’t have to work to know if we like a certain color or taste or music. We just know. That seems right, and yet, I don’t know. What I’ve learned is that the thing I’ve had the most passion for in my life, mothering, is now largely completed, at least in a day-to-day, hands on way. So while I’ll always be a mom, and I’ll continue to find joy and fulfillment in my evolving role as a mother, that is not going to be my life’s work at this stage.

Then the questions begin. I’ve always loved to bake. Maybe I have the seeds of a restaurateur in me. Or maybe I’m destined to help others find their own path, as soon as I’ve figured out the formula for myself. Or maybe I’ll find a way to become a writer and get paid for it. That’s the really sticky part. I’m looking for something I love, something I feel passion to do. And I need it to feed me…emotionally, professionally, economically. Sounds like a tall order. And yet, these stories are everywhere: people magically falling into something they love to do every day, and getting paid to do it.

Well, I’m sure this will continue to be a theme for a while. So far I have more questions than answers, and the gathering phase is only beginning. I think of all the clichés: if it’s worth having, it’s worth waiting for; it’s not going to be easy, it’s going to be worth it; never, never, never, never, never give up.

So off to work, then home to do some more work. Reading. Searching. Reinventing. Really, how can we expect kids just out of high school to know what they want to be? It’s a challenge at any age, unless you happen to be one of those blessed (or cursed, depending on your point of view) individuals who are so defined by their particular talent that they are compelled to be a painter, musician, author. I need a new category. Guess I’ll have to invent it myself, I’m not finding my particular passion in the standard line up.

Winter calling

/ Sheila / 3 Comments

Monday, January 23, and we’re back in Craig. Rob is doing a last round of work at the clinic here before the new “permanent” provider arrives in mid-February. “Permanent” (in the Alaska healthcare world) is the hopeful term for individuals who accept a position without a defined end date. Of course “permanent” with this usage really means that most likely, the position will be filled for a year or two. Sometimes people stay longer, but you never know. So providers who travel fill the gaps. I’m working in the front office. I don’t do clinical; I don’t do blood!

We came over from Ketchikan last night, arriving in a soft snowfall. Prince of Wales looks to have about the same levels of snow that Ketchikan has. What a week it has been for SE Alaska! This is the rain forest, we are not accustomed to bitter cold here. Often in the winter months, the average temperatures are in the 30s and even 40s. Last week, Ketchikan was in single digits, with winter storm warnings and heavy snow accumulation for the end of the week.

We live in a house built in 1920. It has been remodeled and updated over the years, but still…can you guess where this is going? I felt quite smug all week, hearing about frozen pipes and weather related issues, relieved that I wasn’t dealing with any of that. Until Friday morning, when I realized the water source for the washing machine was frozen. I put a small space heater in the laundry room to try to warm things up a bit, went off to my relief job in the Primary Care clinic, hoping to have things restored when I got home. It was a minor inconvenience. But the best was yet to come. Friday afternoon, when we pulled into our parking space at the house, I got out of the car and saw water gushing out from an exterior basement wall. I rushed in to see where the water was coming from and found the floor partially covered. I could hear the sound of running water and see the water level rising. A pipe in an exterior wall had frozen, and we were developing a small lake.

A few hours later, we had a claim in with Allstate, a plumber (thank you, Cory, for coming out so quickly!) had capped the pipe and restored water to the rest of the house, and the process of drying out had begun. There wasn’t any visible damage. Of course we haven’t been through the final repair process yet. The plumber said his company had so many calls last week, they were only doing emergency fixes. Cap the pipes, come back and do the full repair later. So I don’t know if there is damage within the wall, or how involved the repair will be. But our initial cleanup consisted of drying out a rug and mopping up. Oh, and paying the bill, which I expect to be just under our deductible, so likely we’ll get to pay the full amount. But I’m not complaining. If we hadn’t gotten home when we did, it could be much worse. Or more frightening to contemplate, what if it had happened this week?! I don’t like to think about pipes when we’re out of town. But that’s what insurance is for, right?

So, the washing machine thawed out in time to do laundry to travel, we are mostly dried out in the basement, and we’re back in the mid-30s now. Hopefully no more single digit temps, particularly while we’re out of town.

All of this just helps me appreciate the routine, the normal, the every day. It is very unsettling to realize you have a potentially major problem on Friday afternoon when you are planning to be out of town and can’t be home to address the issue. This was one of those times when I just wanted to turn the clock back a few minutes and have my to-do list from an hour ago.

Well, tis the season. Winter storms, delayed or canceled flights, pipes and snowy roads…all part of the joy. Funny, snow is so perfect around Christmas when it adds to the ambience and puts the finishing touch to the holiday atmosphere. But in January? Not so fun. After spending most of my adult life in winter climates…Colorado and Michigan and Alaska…I’m beginning to understand why people eventually want to live in year round warmth. I’m not there yet. I still like four seasons. But frozen pipes and washing machines definitely color my thinking! Or maybe I’m just ready for a week on a beach.

Well, off to work. And oh, the temperature is 35 degrees. It’s going to be a great day!

January ReVision

/ Sheila / 6 Comments

So, two weeks since my last post. Seems longer than that! How quickly my rhythm is derailed by work, travel, and life pressing in!

The first week of January was a mix of work, two days in Ketchikan, two days at the clinic in Metlakatla. I’m doing some project work there, and I try to coordinate with Rob’s schedule when he is there. We came back to Ketchikan on the 7th and traveled to California last week, to give a helping hand with a family need that is brewing. Got home last night to begin another week.

While I’ve been distracted, I’ve been out of touch with my fellow bloggers, reading many posts, but commenting on none, and I haven’t made so much as a keystroke on my WordPress site. I’ve missed it, the little community of bloggers. (My community is small; of course the overall blogging community is enormous.) This happens to me on a fairly regular basis. When I travel, I’m an infrequent writer.

But not an infrequent reader. I’m researching my next phase in life, and here’s the plan: I’m going to test my services on myself. That’s right, I’m going to be my own first client. I want to create a business that works with people and organizations to reinvent themselves. Call it a mid-course correction. Just like I need. My term for this is ReVision. That works nicely with the writing concept, which always requires revision. There are so many lovely “re” words…renew, restore, repurpose, refocus, revive, redesign…all referring to some sort of do-over. Just like I need. The other piece that works nicely is the concept of vision. I need a new vision for my life. Rob and I want to make changes in how we work, how we live. He’s fueling us while I come up with a plan.

So I’ve been mulling over how to make this happen. How do I take the life experience and the education I have and translate it to a service that helps people reinvent…ReVision….themselves? I have hazy ideas. I see potential. I need to synthesize a lot that I’ve read, a lot that I’ve experienced, and a lot of possibility. I began to think if I could do it for myself, really make the changes I need, I could do it for others.

We’re beginning a process of life mapping and I’m reading a lot, everything from Entrepreneur magazine to recent books on happiness and fulfillment.

In the meantime, I’m working on a logo, business cards, putting together content for a website. I’ve created lists and lists and more lists. I’m energized and motivated. And I’m hopeful.

And wouldn’t it be nice if I’m successful? Oh, I’d like to be financially successful. That’s part of it. But more than that, I’d like the concept to be successful. Of course, there are consulting firms and life coaches already doing this. But this particular venture would be my own, would have my unique stamp. My unique vision. I’m curious to see how it turns out. I’m curious to know how the story will unfold. I need a new vision. I need a ReVision.