Joys

Thanksgiving came early

/ Sheila / 17 Comments

Alex got a job. A real job. Nothing glamorous, but it is a job with benefits and it will sustain him with a steady income as he sorts out plans for his future. Reassuring when the job statistic I heard this week is that the average search takes nine months. He’s been determined, and driven, and yes, even desperate; but also fortunate. And I’m thankful that he’ll have some direction as he makes a fresh start.

Thanksgiving is coming quickly, and Alex was supposed to come up for the week. But now he won’t…not good timing since he just began the new position last Monday. I’ll miss him. But I’ll still have a grateful heart that he’s well, and he’s back in the home of his heart, the Colorado mountains.

Thanksgiving is a holiday, but it’s also a season of the spirit. I like to think I’m always grateful, that I carry that around in my heart. But there are some things that bring an extra measure of gratitude, and this is one of those times. To hear, after weeks of phone calls, listening to the mix of hope and anxiety, the litany of possibilities for work…to hear the excitement in his voice again…that’s something special.

This has been a challenging year for both my kids. Some things have gone well, but not everything. And that’s life. No one gets everything they want. But thank God, my kids have what they need. And as their mom, that makes this Thanksgiving more than just a holiday. I don’t even need the pumpkin pie to celebrate….just the words on the other end of the line…”Hi mom!” And the tone in the voice.

The unthankful heart… discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!  ~Henry Ward Beecher

Pumpkin Soup and other goodness

/ Sheila / 8 Comments

Rain and cold greet me as I start the day. Fresh coffee, and the scent of the pellet stove burning, sending out warmth and wood smell, lure me down the stairs to begin. I make breakfast, hot, hearty and healthy, to push us through to lunch. Lunch, salad, light and crunchy bites, fuel until dinner. And then, on this chilly fall Friday, a big bowl of soup and crusty bread for end of day. The soup simmers on the stove already, not because it has to, but because I want it to. Seeing the pot on the burner, giving an occasional stir as I wander through the kitchen, taking a break from my work-at-home office, I feel the comfort of tradition, the ritual of minding, tasting; and the anticipation of home cooked goodness to tuck us in to the dark of early evening. We’ll light candles, play soft music, and get cozy with bread baked this afternoon and soup for the season.

If you’re looking for homemade easy, this is a good place to begin.

                                          November gold

Pumpkin Soup

1/4 cup (4T) butter
1 large onion, finely diced
1 stalk of celery, finely diced
1 can (1 lb) of pumpkin (NOT get pumpkin pie filling)
3 cans (14.5 oz) chicken broth
1/2 tsp. curry powder
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp ginger
1 bay leaf
1 tsp salt
1 cup light cream or half-and-half
Melt butter in saucepan.
Add onion & celery.  Saute’ until tender.
Stir in pumpkin, broth & seasonings (adjust seasonings to taste if you like more spice).
Bring to a boil stirring constantly.
Reduce heat and simmer uncovered 15 minutes.
Remove bay leaf.
Add cream or half-and-half.
Stir just until thoroughly heated, but not boiling.
Add chives (fresh) for garnish.
Serves four generously.

                                 Sweet Wheat bread dough

Sweet Wheat Bread

3 packets dry yeast
1 1/2 cups warm water, divided
1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 cup dark molasses
1 tablespoon salt
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 cups whole wheat flour
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp of caramel coloring, optional

Dissolve yeast in 1/2 cup warm water then stir in sugar. Let stand until bubbly.
Combine dissolved yeast, remaining water, molasses, salt, oil, whole wheat flour, all-purpose flour and caramel coloring in a large mixing bowl. Beat, using a dough hook until smooth. 
Knead dough for 5 minutes. Place in a large bowl then cover with a damp cloth. Let rise in a warm place until doubled in size. 
Punch dough down and divide in 2 large round loaves and place on a greased and cornmeal dusted cookie sheet. Cover with a damp cloth and allow to rise in a warm place until doubled in size.
Remove cloth and bake in a 375 degree F. oven for 30 minutes or until crust makes a hollow sound when tapped.
(The caramel coloring will not affect taste, just the color of the bread. You can order this ingredient from King Arthur Flour.)

                                                Ready for dinner!

Service

/ Sheila / 11 Comments

You want happiness, we all do. And there’s only one rule for happiness in this world, Sue, and that’s service. Just to the degree that they serve, people are happy, and no more. It’s an infallible test. You can try nations by it, you can try kings and beggars. Poor people are just as unhappy as rich people, when they’re idle; and rich people are really happy only when they’re serving somebody or something.

Norris, Kathleen. Saturday’s Child Artemis Publishing. Kindle Edition.

I found this little quote in a quaint old book…a lot of things contribute to my happiness, and I would put faith and family at the top of my list. I separate those two from the concept of service. But maybe that’s not accurate either, for what does faith and family call us to, if not service? Maybe the best things in life are simply disguises for opportunities that allow us to serve. We serve from various motives…family love, or faith that moves mountains, or belief in a cause, or ambition to achieve. But doesn’t the work we do distill to service?

I’ve equated the terms service and work. But they’re not really equivalent. I suppose you could serve without working, and work without truly serving. Maybe the difference in the two is the sense of purpose that lies behind service. Work is just work. But service is work defined by deliberate intention.

I think I’ve worked enough in my life. I’m going to look through a different lens, think about how I’m able to serve as I move through my days. That’s not intended to make me sound saintly, just purposeful. Maybe what I adjust is not specific action or work. Maybe I adjust my vision to see what I can contribute, and what I am contributing. Maybe I just need to reframe to see clearly.

I am learning

/ Sheila / 11 Comments

I am learning to accept the feeling of unease that frequently settles in the pit of my stomach. I am learning to live with uncertainty, with fears, with doubt. I am learning this because in the last few years I’ve experienced:

~ living far, far from family

~ my son’s deployment to Iraq

~ my daughter’s miscarriage of her first pregnancy

~ my father’s battle, and loss, to cancer

~ the death of my grandmother

~ family torn by divorce

~ stress, stress, more stress

~ distress in my marriage

~ uncertainty about work and income

~ a house for sell that didn’t sell

~ the struggles of my adult children with jobs and life decisions

and life continues. This is my list since 2006. I’ve counted other losses and difficulties before. These are the major markers since we moved to Alaska.

And what do I say? What do I do? What can I do? I pray. I feed myself the sustaining, nurturing words of wisdom that encourage me when I need the spark of hope. I believe in belief. I believe that above all, there is goodness in the world, there is joy in the morning, there is comfort for the downcast. I count the ways I’m fortunate, and the joys that fill my life even when I’m anxious.

I tell myself that life works out. It will be all right, whatever “it” may be. Have faith. But sometimes, I falter a bit. What if it doesn’t work out? I see others whose stories don’t end well, whose lives have not worked out according to plan. What if I, or those I love, have the same experience? What if?

I face the fear, feel the physical sensation in my stomach. We’re old friends now, this sensation and me. I recognize it for what it is. It feels good to be stronger than this feeling. This isn’t a sign of bravery. It is a victory of strength, strength I didn’t know I had, strength I am growing day by day. It comes from recognition. I can only do so much, I can only do what I can do. I, who avoid conflict, am learning to confront.

Back to first principles. Do your best. Do your part. Don’t give up. Appreciate what you have. Share when you can. Believe.

Last weekend I found a site that expresses this eloquently. If you are looking for encouragement and a call to be thankful, grateful, joyful, this may speak to you.

A Holy Experience

I am learning to rest, to have peace, to keep my joy…I didn’t have to acquire it, I came here with joy ingrained in my being. But I’ve struggled to hold it, through some of life’s question marks. And even as I write this, I know that I’ll have to do this again tomorrow, and the next day, and next.

Saturday night, hearing the tsunami warning sirens, racing to throw a few things in the car before evacuating, some of these thoughts were flashing through my mind. I thought of family, plans, dreams, impacted by unseen force of earthquake. How do you plan for earthquake? For tsunami? The answer is, you really don’t. You can do so little. But you do what you can. You evacuate when you’re told to. You follow instructions. You hope, you pray. You thank God for the people, the good things, filling your life. And when the rush of the moment is over and you realize there’s no life threatening emergency after all, you promise yourself you’ll remember that flash of insight. I have so much.

I am blessed. I am grateful. And I am learning.

 

Riley Girl

/ Sheila / 10 Comments

                                              Riley, Princess and Explorer

This girl has snuggled in deep in my heart. Love this Little!

How lucky am I to be her “Gram!”

Independence

/ Sheila / 12 Comments

Last week I heard Riley, two-year old explorer and budding princess, say quite clearly over the phone, “I did it! All by myself!”

A lot of the good things in life are built through cooperation. Working together, sharing, joining hands and hearts to create something big, something meaningful, is a joyful experience. It is good to be part of a team, and a team effort.

But if there is strength in numbers, there is also satisfaction in self-reliance. And though, as was famously noted in our national political discussion recently, no one succeeds without help, still, a lot of success can be ascribed to individual effort.

Even two-year old princesses understand that, and celebrate it, with their cry of recognition: “I did it, all by myself!”

Our son is learning this in a new way. He is establishing himself, all by himself, without ready-made structure in place around him. He’s moved back to Colorado, to the home of his heart, and he’s creating a home that will nurture his heart.

We watch from afar. We talk, but he’s doing the work. We mentor and advise, but he’s doing the heavy lifting.

When he left home, it was to join the army, and surely, there is no more structured environment for a 19-year-old to land in. Now he’s out of the army and navigating without a team around him. He’s job hunting, apartment hunting, life hunting. He has some big decisions to make. Will he, or won’t he, after resisting for six years since high school, choose college and more education? Will he find himself working in whatever job he can land with his skills and experience and be content, or will he choose something that is out of reach at the moment, that he will have to work to attain?

I don’t know, and I’m not sure he does either, at this very moment. He thinks he’s been independent since he joined the army, right out of high school, and to some degree, that’s true. But I see him gaining a whole new footing in the world of adult responsibility. I see him learning, doing, saying, “I did it, all by myself!”

It is good to be 25, and independent! I’m proud of him for doing something I never did…for jumping out there and going for it. He’s not always successful, and we don’t always agree with his decisions. But he owns them, and he stands by them.

My husband says “He’s becoming a man.” It’s an anxious time for me. For all my sunny nature and positive outlook, when it comes to my kids, I’m a first-class worrier. I try to see ahead and around corners and think with them, sometimes for them. But I know, in my heart of hearts, that’s not the right approach. I squelch my anxiety and wait for news of this interview, or that application. No 25-year-old needs a nervous mom hovering in the background. I am not picking him up from kindergarten. This is not his first date.

I thought I already did this. I thought I let go years ago. Funny how you find pockets of emotion as you watch your kids move through different phases of life, through experience. This new bid for independence is exciting for Alex. It makes me nervous. He’s pumped, I’m scared.

But like the earlier moments of letting go, I’ll manage this too. First, because I am physically removed, literally many states and two time zones away, and I don’t have a lot of option. Second, because it is the right thing to do. Though I wish I could provide a safety net for him, the truth is, beyond a certain point, no parent can really protect. The next generation has to find their own way, make their own decisions and mistakes, and celebrate their triumphs.

I’m just waiting to hear, on the other end of the line, “I did it, all by myself!”

Strategy

/ Sheila / 10 Comments

I’ve written a strategic plan for a local clinic. I never did that before. I’ve written a lot of things, but this was a first.

Well, Alaska gives you opportunity. A lot of it comes from showing up. You know, being available and actually in the state. Some jobs you can get because you’re here. That’s how I fell into this one. Well, there was a little more to it than that, but being present definitely helped.

Anyway, the experience made me think about my own strategic plan. Or rather the lack of one. I’ve had goals, dreams, hopes. But I never created a strategic plan for myself. Maybe that’s why I find myself running in circles, consumed by commitments that aren’t really taking me anywhere…keeping me afloat financially, filling my time…but not going in a definite direction.

I weave in and out of this mindset, staying busy with life, needs, family, other. Often, for weeks at a time, I push introspection aside. I’m not one to drown in my own thoughts. And then, smack! There it is again…the “what am I doing?” conversation runs circles in my head. This is not about unhappiness. It is about uncertainty. I’m uncertain, and have been for a long time, about the path we’re on. I’ve spent a lot of time, the past couple of years, thinking about the “next.” But I still haven’t found the answer. I struggle with that. Shouldn’t I just know what’s right, what’s best? I’m waiting for some instinct to kick in, but it hasn’t yet. I don’t think it’s going to, and maybe I’ve waited long enough for inspiration to hit. I’m not inspired. But I am a writer. It feels good to claim that for myself. To add that to the list of who I am. It comes a bit more naturally, these days, when my income is largely tied to that effort.

Strategy is important for an organization. And people too.

Well, well. I’ll have to think about that one. And maybe write a plan for myself.

“Life has no remote…get up and change it yourself.”

Standing Still

/ Sheila / 9 Comments

Home again, and I’m finding my balance. After two months and five days of travel, I’m in my own bed, my own kitchen, again. The RV doesn’t quite rest, or cook, the same. Still, it offers options the house doesn’t. Haven’t found a way to put wheels on this 90-plus year old home yet.

Ketchikan in September can be wet and wicked, or beautiful, as the past few days have been. It’s perfect fall here, cool, with that certain something in the air that tells me, more clearly than the calendar, that summer is done and October is around the corner. I celebrated by pulling out a few of my favorite things: pumpkins, and a cozy recipe or two, and an arrangement of oranges and browns for the dining room. I put away a few things. Summer clothes and sandals are stored, suitcases are emptied, backpack cleaned out. The fridge is restocked.

The externals are tidied up. Now comes the mental game of tucking back in. Back to work, back to routine. I used to have a hard time doing it after a week or ten days away. But with the new rhythm to life, I have to be more flexible. I kept a few threads of work going while we traveled, the beauty of email and internet access, even if it was somewhat fractured. But the majority of what I do, how I make a living, was on pause while we were going full speed. Funny how incompatible pieces of living can be.

I’m still in the process of creating this life for myself. My husband is more practiced at it, has been doing it longer. For me, the on-again, off-again of work and travel is still a novelty, still a little unsettling. I don’t have it down to a science. I don’t have an automatic feed for employment. The travel is the easy part. Who wouldn’t enjoy rambling for weeks at a time? As long as the money holds out, sign me up!

But on the other end of the trip, I am spent. I love the road, the new places, re-visiting old favorites, and seeing family and friends along the way. That’s a joy and a privilege, and one I don’t take for granted. But at the end of movement, I crave stillness. For a time, I need a time-out.

I am grateful for internet I don’t have to search for, laundry I don’t need quarters for, a full size kitchen, the homey tasks of tidying and puttering that are small in meaning, yet oddly satisfying to my down to earth self. After the last two weeks in Canada, I appreciate using my cell phone without cringing at the added fees for an international call or text. I loved hearing French in Quebec and Montreal, but I’ll admit it’s nice to hear English and know what is being said. I can even admit that I’m ready for a little predictability again.

If I am broadened by travel, home is sweetened by travel. I know that after a few months, I’ll be rested up, ready to go, excited to look at a map and make a plan. But for today, it’s ok that my big outing took me to the hardware store and to get a haircut, and that I’m on deck to make dinner. For now, the everyday has a new glow about it, and it will take more than a few weeks to wear off. For today, I’m standing still.

“Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer”  ~anonymous

                                          Nomads on the road

                     A Quebec landmark, Chateau Frontenac

All done!

/ Sheila / 5 Comments

                          Half Dome, Yosemite National Park

We made it! Six weeks of RVing and exploring California! Doable because we are traveling light and pretty inexpensively. That’s one thing about camping…doesn’t cost a lot after the initial set up.

What a state! We’ve spent time in California before, largely in San Diego, with a little time in and around San Francisco. This trip allowed us to visit areas we haven’t seen in the past. The diversity of landscape is amazing, and the biggest surprise of all is how rural a lot of California truly is. I’ve been buying California produce forever in the grocery store…well, it seems like most of the fresh fruit and vegetables come from California….and it makes sense now. From at least the middle of the state north, what part isn’t desert or forest is farm or cattle land. Beautiful, and a wonderful change from the huge population centers of southern California. I’m not really a farm girl…didn’t grow up in that environment. But I love the rural countryside!

I think we’ve found all the winding roads possible, and especially the ones that are difficult for RVing…Rob has had a few complaints about my choice of routes! What can I say? I’ve been driving a little pick up, and he’s been following in the RV. So I’ve had a great time! Driving Highway 1 on the coast, or some of the twisty highways crossing the mountains has been beautiful, and my need for road tripping is temporarily satisfied.

We aren’t souvenir buyers, for the most part. I think we picked up two coffee mugs, designed by a local potter, and Rob bought a baseball cap…his standard reminder of trips we’ve made. Other than that, our biggest purchases have been produce and gas. We hit farm stands and local markets and I’ve had almost enough fresh tomatoes and peaches and strawberries and corn. Almost! Not sure I ever really get done with those flavors. But what a treat to get all of that and more, straight from the fields!

We’ve had pain at the pumps. Try filing two gas hogs on a regular basis! Good for us that our other expenses during this trip have been low. As it is, we’ve done our share of shoring up the oil industry for the past few weeks. Not that it seems in danger. Regardless of the economy, there are people everywhere. Or maybe we’ve just been traveling in popular areas. Maybe we’re just seeing summer in a busy tourist state.

From Yosemite to Lake Tahoe to the broad central valley around Sacramento, and on to San Francisco and the coast, we’ve roamed and crisscrossed. We have some favorite spots and favorite views, and places marked to visit again. We’ve found a few campgrounds that would be perfect to bring our kids to. We’ve remembered all the little tricks to success with road tripping, and RVing in particular. And now we’ve tucked our little caravan away for the next several months, stored in a new place in California, and waiting our next adventures.

                              Coast, northern California

                                          A giant Sequoia

                       Can’t get enough of those big trees!

Camping

/ Sheila / 6 Comments

We are in camping mode.

We used to tent camp/car camp when our kids were with us. We had some great times doing that. But when we decided to spend some extended time traveling, Rob wanted to go the RV route. I think it’s the boy scout in him…the fixer…you’re always fixing things on an RV…who loves a challenge. Some people buy boats or get into hunting or fishing. We own an RV. Or more correctly, our RV owns us, at least when we’re using it for travel.

We have a fridge and freezer in the RV, but we keep an ice chest going too, so we monitor ice. We monitor water levels, grey water and black water (if you don’t know these terms, use your imagination.) We monitor how much fresh water we have, if we’re not connected to water at a campsite. For the uninitiated, there are all sorts of campsites. You can have full hookups, which can include everything from water, sewer, electricity, up to cable and internet. Or you can do just water and electricity, or you can camp without any hookups at all, as long as you have enough water to supply your own needs. The generator runs off gas, so you can turn it on to supply electricity needs. The stove and oven operate off propane.

For purists out there who think this is all faux camping, let me just say: you’re right! No backpacking in over miles of trail for us, and no freeze-dried meals either. I’m sorry, the camping gene just barely made it on board, this is the best I can do. Well, I once could do tent camping, in my former life, but now I’m spoiled to being a turtle and having my portable house with me. I’ve done a pretty good job. I have my Bialetti coffee maker, my cutting board, some favorite knives, a pillow top mattress on the bed, and candles to go with dinner…among a few other comforts. Yes, part of the fun is re-creating a homey environment. But…in national park settings! How cool is that?!

One of the good things about owning vs renting an RV is that over time, we’ve stocked it with a lot of the essentials, like citrus reamers and beach towels…you know, the really important stuff! So when we take it out, we only need groceries and gas and we can be ready to go…providing it’s not been sitting for a year and needs new batteries…but that was yesterday’s post. Anyway, it can be pretty simple to launch.

The hardest part is remembering from visit to visit if we’ve left something in the RV for future use, or if we need to bring something on the next trip. I always think I’ll remember, and I never do. I sometimes make lists, but invariably, if I can’t find something at home, I begin to wonder, did I leave that in the RV? Or, the other question, do I need this for the RV? I’m finding, over time, that it’s easy to have duplicates of a lot of small items. Because if, for example, you find a kitchen gadget that you like for your home, you begin to think, “I could really use this in the RV!” Whether or not that’s true, that’s what you think. Because of course, camping wouldn’t be quite right without the gourmet tools you’ve come to know and love, would it?

Sometimes I just have to stop myself and repeat: We are in camping mode.

                                               Home sweet home!