Personal philosophy

Catching up

/ Sheila / 2 Comments

Well, it’s back to basics after two weeks of Rob being home. He’s working OOT this week (love that acronym, brings a smile to my face!). And by basics I mean I’m home alone, catching up on a few things I largely allowed to slide, blogging being one of them. Along with much of the laundry, errands, and most of my to do list. While he’s home trading (stock market), I’m at work. By the time dinner is made and we share some evening time, it’s bed time.

In our past life, we lived together; in this lifestyle we’re sometimes together. Although we’re working to change our formula, it isn’t done yet. So when we’re together, pretty much everything else gets to wait. That’s by choice, not demand.

I felt a little guilty about this at first. I mean, letting chores pile up?! I’m no Martha Stewart, but I’m no slouch either. I like my lists to get done, thank you very much!

Then I realized: everyone recognizes that it’s important to make time for little ones; they grow so fast, if you’re not really tuned in, you can miss a lot in a hurry. How is it any different with the adults in our lives? I’ve been guilty in the past of seeing Rob as another adult who could occupy himself if I needed (or chose) to be busy. And of course he can occupy himself, and does, very nicely, when I’m at work. But especially since he’s not with me every day, when he’s home, I want to enjoy that to the fullest. I can run my errands or paint the laundry room at other times.

Just a word of reality…I don’t completely abandon my routine…some things must go on. I find we do need food, and we do the grocery or other errands as required. I just don’t want our time to be defined by all the second shift commitments.

So, I’ll catch up a bit this week, looking forward to Saturday when he’s home, and I have my dinner partner, my movie buddy, my heart back in my home. Till then, just the basics.

Monday calling

/ Sheila / 3 Comments

It’s Monday…here we go!

“I do not fix problems.
I fix my thinking.
Then problems fix themselves.”

~ Louise Hay

Goodbye white shoes, I hardly wore you

/ Sheila / 5 Comments

September, Labor Day weekend, and my Southern upbringing has kicked in. I wouldn’t be caught dead from now until next Memorial Day in white shoes. Just.not.done. At least for my generation. (Maybe this is more about my age than where I was raised…or both? I’ll have to get back to you on that.)

Mind you, I have no idea where this fashion dictum came from, or how it became so firmly impressed on my young self. All I know is that to violate this rule was taboo in my youth, and whether or not it matters to the fashion police now (if it ever did), I’m obligated to live with this for the rest of my life. You’d think it was important or something. But if it is, I don’t know why.

But not knowing didn’t stop me from passing the white shoes rule on to my daughter. Really I expand this to summer clothes in general…the only possible exception being a tropical location where it’s always acceptable to wear white, whatever the season. (And who decided that? Another fashion mystery!)

Perhaps it’s fortunate for me that I live in a climate that actually encourages me to return to my September-to-May uniform of turtlenecks and heeled pumps. The summer slides are put away. They didn’t get too much wear-time this year anyway. Miserable summer season here. But the weather, at this point, is not the point: I couldn’t violate the calendar. Just can’t do it. My roots are showing!

There are things you leave behind when you move from one side of the country to another: regional produce, local customs, favorite eateries. Without any effort on my part, my Southern accent has mostly faded away from long years of disuse (although it revives a bit when I go back for a visit). But some things…the white shoes rule, for instance…follow me about from place to place, a passenger in my head, mostly forgotten, but somehow silently monitoring the calendar, and then, ca-ching, like my oven timer, a bell goes off internally to remind me of The Rule. The same thing will happen Memorial Day…my Southern self will wake up, reminding me, nudging me. Change of seasons, change of shoes.

Thoughts for the day

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Rest but never quit. Even the sun has a sinking spell each evening. But it always rises the next morning. At sunrise, every soul is born again. ~ Author Unknown

Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. ~ Albert Einstein

Light tomorrow with today. ~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

The best dreams happen when you’re awake. ~ Cherie Gilderbloom

Leap of faith

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The house is off the market, at least for a while. Not a good time to be selling at this price range in Ketchikan, Alaska. So the listing will get a rest, at least till spring, and regroup begins.
 
I ask myself: if I can’t control the housing market, what do I control? What is my response?
 
I’ve taken inventory of commitments, obligations, opportunities. I’ve talked with managers at my office who can work with me through a transition.
 
This is my plan.
 
I’m moving to relief status with my administrative position for the medical group in January. I’m also enrolled as a substitute teacher for the local schools. I can’t continue to keep both feet in Ketchikan on a weekly basis and maintain a life with Rob. So I’m choosing. I’m choosing opportunity for the unknown over security, change instead of stability, serendipity over structure. I’m stepping off.
 
The house will still be a commitment, and one that I have to support. So I’ll do it, but in a way that doesn’t require a daily presence.
 
I’m reducing my income, streamlining my habits. If I’m working relief, and subbing in school when possible, that’s just a given. I can’t have it both ways.
 
And what do I get in exchange?
 
I get more time to be with my partner, the husband I chose long ago, and the relationship I’ve committed to. When he’s in the region to work, I’ll work, and when he’s off traveling, I’ll travel.
 
I get more opportunity to be with others who are important in my life.
 
I get potential for adventure.
 
I’ll have time to develop new interests and hone new skills.
 
I get…I don’t know…that’s part of the charm and the magic. I don’t know what I’ll get!
 
Planning for this means that thought, budgeting, organizing, daydreaming, anxiety, stress, hope, excitement, and joy are all part of the process. There are days I am excited and days I am nervous. I’ve left jobs and income before. I’ve moved. I’ve sold houses. But I’ve never left a job behind, kept the house, and planned to stay afloat on part-time work, not knowing what the future would hold.
 
It’s a brave new world, for me, anyway. I’m sure I can do it. I think it will be like the sky diving adventure in June. The first step was the hardest, and after that initial leap out the door, the rest was easy, including the perfect landing.
 
Granted, doing this is possible because I’m at a time in my life when kids are grown, there are more resources and flexibilities built in. But it isn’t easy, and it isn’t automatic. I suspect, as is the case for most things that promise great reward, it will take a lot of energy to stay ahead of financial needs, work scheduling, travel arrangements, and syncing of schedules. But isn’t that life in general? Outcome requires input. Result requires effort.
 
I’ll be shifting my efforts come January. I’ll be living life in a different way.
 
When Rob and I did the sky dive in June, we were each hooked to a professional jumper, we each had a buddy who did the work for us. We were along for the ride. This time, we’ll have to hold on to each other. We’ll be doing the work ourselves. But I think we’ll be safe. We’ve held hands before, through some pretty rough rides. This one should be good…just have to take the first step out.

Good advice!

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A few new favorites…

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it’s on your plate. – Thornton Wilder

If you want to be happy, be. – Leo Tolstoy

The thing that is really hard and really amazing is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.  – Anna Quindlen

She took the leap and built her wings on the way down.

You have brains in your head and feet in your shoes.  You can steer yourself any direction you choose.  You’re on your own and you know what you know.  And you are the one who’ll decide where to go. – Dr. Seuss

Today is a new day. – Chicken Little

Earth’s crammed with heaven. – Elizabeth Barrett Browning

She decided to enjoy more and endure less.

She was kind and loving and patient…with herself.

A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at her. – David Brinkley

Anything you are good at contributes to happiness. – Bertrand Russell

A strong woman understands the importance of creating space for personal well-being, spiritual nourishment, and regeneration in order to maintain her authenticity, especially when the universe whacks her with its two-by-four and hands her days when it takes a great deal of courage just to show up. – Laura Folse

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.

She discovered that she was the one she’d been waiting for.

Consistency

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You cannot raise a man up by calling him down.

-William Boetcker

This seems self-evident. Who doesn’t know that it’s better to be positive than negative, that it’s better to offer encouragement than ridicule or criticism?

A positive attitude begins in the mind. A positive attitude is not a false view that everything is rosy. A positive attitude allows you to acknowledge imperfection, and determine to do what you can to improve the situation.

I come back to this again and again in my own life. When I let myself be drawn down a negative path of thought, my attitude and actions spiral down too.

The hardest part of being positive is being consistent. Anyone can be positive for a short time, for a sprint. It takes practice and effort to maintain hope and an expectation of good for the long haul. Because life frequently disappoints, people regularly disappoint, and many things are beyond individual control.

This morning, I couldn’t control the weather.

I couldn’t control the stock market.

I couldn’t control the real estate market.

I couldn’t control events in my kids’ lives.

I couldn’t control health for my family.

I couldn’t control actions of other people.

I could control my smile, my temper, and my heart.

Controlling the last three makes the other factors beyond my control more bearable, more manageable.

Controlling my responses, my attitude, doesn’t make me perfect. It makes me tolerant, forgiving, and accepting.

Determination to keep a positive spirit in the face of disappointment exercises personal strength, demonstrates self-discipline, and keeps me grounded in what is important: what I have determined is important to me.

Things are not important.

Relationships are.

Perfection is not important.

Excellence is.

Mistakes are not important.

Trying is.

None of these thoughts are new. All of these thoughts are challenging. Why is it so hard? Because consistency is the single most difficult component of choice.

Today, I’m trying again. I’m my own cheerleader, saying the words, the phrases, that motivate and inspire me.  I’ve been accused of being a Pollyanna, too naïve or too afraid to face reality, to see the bad stuff. But that’s not who I am. I’ve seen, and I’ve chosen.

Didn’t expect that

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Had a first yesterday from the Salvation Army: they said they weren’t accepting donations! No, no, it wasn’t anything personal, although I’ve been a frequent flyer there in the past few months. They’re just doing a little rearranging, so I have to come back later in the week. Uh huh, a likely story! But I’ll attempt to drop off again in a day or two. Really, it’s all useful stuff, mostly knick-knacks I’ve outgrown the look of, or books that can go to someone else’s shelf.

I got home to find that since I left the house this morning for work, the front step bannister developed a need for a new paint job…was just puzzling over that when I realized what happened. I had the deck and steps power washed and obviously a little more came off than I anticipated. Fortunately I have matching paint on hand; now I just need a sunny couple of hours to touch up from the clean up.

I was weeding in my front flower bed over the weekend and discovered I have a small strawberry patch; who knew? I find new things every time I work in the flowers. Things grow so lushly it’s easy to miss small plantings. And the raspberry bushes that I thought were not producing…I went out on the back deck to inspect the power wash job and see what had been scrubbed away there. Happily for me, the deck and the paint on the house is intact. AND there are raspberries ripening.

I had two friends stop by my office on Monday. One brought a home-baked cookie as a thank you from his wife. We went berry picking together last week. The other brought me a locally grown rose. It smelled so sweet, and reminded me of my mother’s garden.

Had a little technology coup with my iPad. I figured out how to upload photos from my camera card without having to transfer from a computer. Turns out that a camera kit I bought does the trick, making it a breeze to add photos to enjoy on my screen or to use with my blog. That was easy!

Got upgraded to first class for my flights down to Arizona. I love that: I must admit it has been fun to be a frequent Alaska Airlines traveler and get the free upgrades.

My big planter of lettuces is growing amazingly well. I wasn’t sure if they would make it in a pot, but each of my three leafy varieties is thriving. Can’t wait to harvest and have a salad made with my own greens!

Another iPad find…I downloaded an app that turns the whole screen into a writing surface. You can write with your finger, or use a stylus that is specially designed to work with the surface of the tablet. I’ve seen some blog posts lately about going paperless using this technology. I’m not sure I’m that advanced yet…for one thing, I don’t want to wag my iPad around with me when I’m out and about, so I don’t think I’ll be putting my to dos or my grocery list on my screen. But this definitely brings a new element into play, and I’m excited to see how it changes my iPad experience.

Little surprises, little finds…sometimes good, sometimes exasperating. But however small, the victories and challenges pique my interest, keep me going, bring a smile to my face. Or not, but that’s part of the charm.

What didn’t you expect today?

Voice of wisdom

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Quote of the day:

Love is friendship that has caught fire.
It is quiet understanding, sharing and forgiving.
It is loyalty through good times and bad times.
It settles for less than perfection
and makes allowances for human weaknesses.
Love is content with the present,
it hopes for the future,
and it does not brood over the past.
It’s the day-in and day-out chronicles
of irritations, problems, compromise,
small disappointments, big victories
and working toward common goals.
If you have love in your life, it can make up
for a great many things that are missing.
If you don’t have love in your life,
no matter what else there is,
it’s not enough.

~Ann Landers

(I knew Ann Landers was famous for her advice column. Turns out she was also a bit of a poet.)

One of those days

/ Sheila / 5 Comments

I was on a roll this morning. Got up at my usual time, had my coffee, made cream biscuits to take into work. All was well until I got to my desk and was settling myself for the morning with my full second cup of coffee in hand. Somehow I managed to tip it over and the cup fell to the floor with precision splash factor. My light pink pants were the main recipient of the coffee, and you can imagine how I felt, going through an entire day of training wearing my morning coffee so prominently displayed. Most days I could run home and make a quick change, but not today. We’ve had someone from another PeaceHealth region here to help launch our new imaging process. So not a day to duck out and miss anything.

I went out with several friends from the office for lunch, pink and brown pants not withstanding, and I offered to drive. Of course the parking options were parallel. Now, I never choose parallel spaces unless there is NOTHING in front or in back of the space I’m targeting. But that wasn’t possible today. Cruise ships are in, town was hopping at lunch…lucky to find a space at all, parallel or not. So I had the pleasure of parking with great difficulty with a car full of co-workers. Do you know how long it takes to park when you have an audience and the parking is tight? Let’s just say we had a late lunch. And everyone was really very kind about it. The snickering was muffled. And I know they were laughing with me.

So in the big picture, that hardly counts as a bad day, right? I didn’t really think I was having a bad day. But I was reminded again that no matter how competent I may be, or how well I may do at a job or other area of my life, throw a little insecurity my way, a little embarrassment, and my high school self rears its head, sending me (secretly, and briefly) back to the shy and insecure girl that wanted to fit in, to be cool, to be “right,” whatever that meant at the moment.

Well that girl – woman, thank you – has been grown up for a while now, and I learned long ago that few people are concerned with what I’m doing…they’re thinking about the spot they acquired at breakfast, or their own bad parking job. It helped a lot when I realized, somewhere along the way, that pretty much everyone lives with insecurity, with mistakes made prominently in front of co-workers or friends and family. Everyone has that little voice inside that second-guesses and is self-critical. I learned the best tactics to overcome those feelings are acknowledgement and laughter. I admit it…some days, I collect spots. Not every day, but often enough that I’m a good customer for spot removers and laundry stain fighters. And I would like to deny it, but there are too many witnesses to get away with denial…I’m a bad parker. There, admitted. So I laugh it off, remember that what’s important is not the parking, but the experience. And lunch was great. AND we all made it back to the office safely.

Tomorrow I’m wearing something brown, just to be on the safe side. Just in case these things run in threes.