Home

Favorite things

/ Sheila / 3 Comments
Film poster for The Story of Us

These are a few of my favorite things (in random order):

  1. Warm sunshine in my sunroom
  2. Loving words
  3. Rubbermaid tubs (great for boxing and storing)
  4. Macadamia nut cookies (Pepperidge Farm, yum!)
  5. Movies with a message – check out “The Story of Us,” an oldie but a goodie
  6. Odd serendipities – I broke a glass vase yesterday that I couldn’t bring myself to part with, but didn’t really want either – I broke it accidentally; but was actually relieved to be free of it without guilt
  7. Pink tulips
  8. Little Riley’s voice on the phone
  9. Anticipation
  10. Digital books

What are your favorite things?

Growth

/ Sheila / Leave a comment

As part of re-balancing my life, I have been doing a lot of soul searching. Disclaimer: This blog is not named “Sheila.” Blogging provides a personal record of this journey, but I’m also writing with the thought that my work may prompt someone reading (all five of you!) to do your own soul searching – if you need to. Maybe this is only useful for me. But regardless, the point is not to be endlessly focused on self. The point is to become a better person, a better everything…and that takes thought and work.

Life is a process of growth and evolution. We move through visible and defined changes, from one birthday to the next, from baby steps to running, from being the child to being the parent, the grownup. But once we arrive at the stage of adulthood, other than physical signs of aging, change can become less visible, less measurable.

So how do I know I am growing, maturing? I’ve heard it said that some people grow up, others just grow old.

I can look back and see many differences in myself, spanning the years. I see changes in style of dress, taste in food, decorating, in personal pleasures. There are some constants. I am always going to love chocolate, home-grown tomatoes, ice cold Coke from the can. I will always need music and books. Faith and family are foundational to me.

There are surface changes. I love rich colors now; in my 20s I chose blues and creams as a home color scheme. Nothing wrong with those colors. But now I choose vibrant shades of berry, greens, black. For many years I loved the country theme and found it cozy and soothing to surround myself with that look. But gradually, I have come to appreciate a more traditional and classic style. I still love the country motif…in other people’s homes. But not in mine.

I love traditional Southern foods…fried okra, butter beans (ok, most of you will know them as Lima beans) black-eyed peas, my grandmother’s cornbread. But over the years I’ve added a lot of other favorites to my food list. I am intrigued with herbs, cheeses with names I can’t pronounce, cooking methods that I haven’t tried before, regional specialties that seem exotic and luscious because I didn’t grow up eating them…I have broadened my food horizons.

I can easily recognize external growth. It is harder to catalog the evolution of my thoughts, my personality. Am I just mellowing, as I hear happens as we age? Am I just worn down by life? My husband says we (he and I) are worn “down to the nub”…we’re just two nubs….not sure exactly what a nub is, but it doesn’t sound particularly attractive. But here’s my question…what change comes from my own effort, and what has occurred due to external forces? I’ll be honest to say that I want to believe positive change has been intentional. I’ll let nature and time have credit for the fine lines around my eyes or the gray hair that I very regularly color blonde.

Bottom line, I’m not sure I can sort it all out. But I know I am more giving, less judgmental than I was in my 20s and 30s. You probably remember that time in your own life. In mine, it was a curious combination of insecurity, bluffing my way, trying to put on an adult act; and viewing life in very concrete terms. I thought I knew a lot then. This is hardly unique to me; I know many people have this realization. But the fact that it is a common occurrence does not lessen the profoundness of it to me.

Sometimes change is so incremental, you don’t know it has occurred until you have the “aha” experience, and realize you’ve rounded a bend. Sometimes change is intentional. And sometimes it is thrust upon us…no option to stay with the status quo, the status quo ends; you have to find your new normal. The challenge is to nurture positive momentum, resist negative movement, and gracefully accept the un-sought, unbidden change that is here to stay. You can’t stand still; but you can focus on moving forward, not losing ground.

Where are you on your journey?

What does your body need today?

/ Sheila / 2 Comments

Today is Saturday, my one free and clear day of the week. Some weeks, I can be productive in a steady rhythm throughout the day, accomplishing more than I had on my list, and go to bed at night feeling tired, satisfied, pleased.

Other Saturdays are a study in coziness and relaxation. Even if I have a lengthy to do list, some weekends I am not able to move. I have good intentions, but I putter. I putz. I distract myself from doing chores and errands. I linger over coffee, sidetrack myself with a magazine or cooking show, I indulge in a nap late morning.

The question is why? Why am I an engine some days, and others, I can’t even turn the key in the ignition?

I used to feel guilty when I had an “off” day. Aren’t Saturdays at home supposed to be about catching up from the week, or getting ready for Monday? If you schedule a Saturday outing, a day of recreation, that’s different…that’s on your list. But just whiling away your day? Not on the program!

I finally realized that when your brain doesn’t give your body permission to take a day off, eventually, your body doesn’t ask for permission. It just takes what it needs. In extreme cases, this could result in actual illness, although I’m not talking about that scenario here. Why do we (I) think it is heroic and a good thing to be “productive” every day? Yes, I know Martha Stewart never misses a beat. But I am not Martha, nor do I aspire to be. (No offense intended…but I have to acknowledge reality.)

My reality is that I am generally a busy woman who loves to put a check mark beside items on my list. But balance is important, and time to relax, to restore, to just be, is as important…no, more important…than my busy-ness. Putting this need on the back burner doesn’t make me a super woman, it makes me inattentive to self-maintenance. There are many analogies to this: sharpening the saw (Stephen Covey); maintaining a vehicle, or putting my oxygen mask on before assisting others (my life coach). It feels counter intuitive. But taking time for myself, even if it is not scheduled, actually improves my productivity and my ability to give to others.

I may be slow, but light is breaking through.

Comfort food, Asian style

/ Sheila / Leave a comment
Five Spice Pork Wraps

We have snow on the ground with more expected. The first winter we lived in Ketchikan we had frequent snows. The accumulation wasn’t significant most of the time, but snowfall was a regular occurrence. Last winter we experienced more rain than anything else. This season has been mild until the past few weeks. But now, with March on the calendar and daffodils breaking through the soil, spring is delayed. The forecast for the weekend is more of the same: wind and snow…it will be good to be indoors.

I would typically be thinking of making hearty comfort food to combat the weather. A product of a Southern upbringing, I love barbecue. It is not just for summer cookouts or tailgating, it’s a favorite year round. The traditional tangy/sweet sauce dressing a pulled pork sandwich is a little bit of heaven on a bun for me. But thanks to a recipe from Williams-Sonoma that I tried recently, I have a new twist on barbecue. Pork tenderloin, infused with Asian flavors from ginger, garlic, and hoisin sauce, is the updated version of the classic taste. I’ve made this twice in the past few weeks, and I absolutely need to experience it again. It’s so easy and versatile. The recipe suggests using the pork in a lettuce wrap, but you could also serve this as an entrée with a stir fry of mixed vegetables (zucchini, broccoli, red peppers, snow peas, water chestnuts, onions…whatever you like); or shred the meat for sandwiches.

Asian Barbecue Pork

(with thanks to Williams-Sonoma for the inspiration; the recipe is in their current catalog and on their website as “Five-Spice Pork Wraps.”  http://www.williams-sonoma.com/recipe/five-spice-pork-wraps.html?cm_src=RECIPESEARCH I have adjusted it a bit to suit my taste)

Ingredients

  1. 1 package pork tenderloin (usually two tenderloin pieces are packaged together; be sure to purchase meat that is not pre-seasoned)
  2. 1 or 2 yellow onions, cut in thin wedges
  3. 2 cloves of fresh minced garlic, or 2 tsp crushed garlic
  4. 3 or 4 pieces of pickled jarred ginger
  5. 1/3 cup hoisin sauce
  6. 1/2 cup Litehouse Sesame Ginger Dressing
  7. 1/3 cup soy sauce
  8. 2-3 Tbsp canola oil
  9. 2 Tbsp chili sauce or hot sauce, if desired
  10. Salt, black pepper

Method

  1. Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Sprinkle surface of pork with salt and pepper.
  2. Using oven proof cookware, heat oil on medium high setting. Brown pork, onion and garlic until meat is seared on all sides.
  3. Remove pan from heat; add ginger, hoisin sauce, Litehouse dressing, and hot sauce, combining all ingredients to coat pork.
  4. Bake, covered, about 2 hours, or until the meat is very tender and shreds with a fork.

When the meat is tender, shred and pair with stir fried vegetables; serve in a lettuce wrap; or serve on a warmed bun. Garnish with fresh cilantro,  green onions, additional hoisin sauce, Litehouse Sesame Ginger Dressing, or hot sauce if desired.

You can also prepare this dish in a slow cooker rather than the oven if you prefer that method. Follow the same prep steps, but transfer the meat and sauce to a slow cooker after meat is browned. Cook on a low setting, checking tenderness of meat after 4 hours. If meat does not easily shred, continue cooking until meat shreds with a fork.

Here’s another tip for free: I like to make spring rolls. You can find a wide variety of recipes online. But whether you make your own, or buy frozen spring rolls or egg rolls, these are a tasty addition to any Asian-inspired meal, or a delicious little snack or appetizer. I have found a quick and easy dipping sauce that is a perfect partner. Mix to taste, and with proportions based on the number of people you will be serving…no measurements here! For each serving, combine a spoonful or two of apricot jam or orange marmalade with Litehouse Sesame Ginger Dressing and mix well. You can heat the mixture if you prefer the sauce to be warm, or serve cold. This is so simple…why didn’t I think of this before?!

Coconut Cake

/ Sheila / 1 Comment

 

Birthday cake – Coconut Deliciousness

It’s a birthday week at work, and I’m always excited to have a reason to bake something yummy. So I’m taking a coconut cake for the festivities on Wednesday. My usual choice would be chocolate, but that was last week’s flavor. We need variety for the celebration!

I grew up in the South, and have sampled some amazing coconut cakes, a classic of the region. When I was a child, church potlucks were still sometimes referred to as “dinner on the ground,” and there was always an array of desserts weighing down one end of the table spread with food from great Southern cooks. Coconut cake was sure to be present: most communities had (the lucky ones still have) someone whose claim to fame was a treasured version of the white cake with the fluffy frosting.

Although I still love the classic recipe that has a 7-minute boiled icing and looks like a white cake-shaped snow sculpture, I’ve found an easier option that offers more bang for the buck. The secret? One of the best things in the world – sweetened condensed milk. I know it’s sweet…the name gives it away…but it has a decadent smoothness that can take a dessert from good to spectacular. This cake is so delicious, moist, rich…well, you get the idea. Try it, you may have a new favorite. And the great thing is that the recipe makes enough for a crowd, so it’s a perfect choice for dinner on the ground…or wherever you’re going with dessert in hand.

Coconut Cake

1 box white or vanilla cake mix
1 14 oz can sweetened condensed milk
1 21 oz bottle cream of coconut (not coconut milk)
1 8 oz container Cool Whip
1 bag of shredded coconut (found in baking aisle)

Mix and bake cake as package directs, in a 9×13 inch baking dish. When baking is completed, cool cake slightly, leaving in baking pan. Evenly pierce surface of cake with fork or knife (this allows topping to be absorbed by cake).

Mix sweetened condensed milk with half of cream of coconut and pour over surface of cake, letting mixture soak in. Continue to cool cake.

Mix remainder of cream of coconut, Cool Whip, and half of the shredded coconut. Spread over cooled cake (if cake is too warm it will melt the Cool Whip).

Top with remaining shredded coconut. Chill several hours before serving. Refrigerate any remaining cake.

Cream

/ Sheila / 4 Comments
Cup of coffee with whipped cream

My name is not Paula Deen. But though I don’t share her flamboyant style, I do appreciate her unembarrassed embrace of butter. I have a similar relationship with cream. Not milk, not half-and-half. Heavy whipping cream. I add it to my coffee every morning, and I’ve progressed from just liking it to needing it. In fact, if I can’t have the real thing, I prefer no coffee at all. No non-dairy creamers for me!

I used to be more inhibited. I used to buy cream for the special occasion recipes, the holiday, once-a-year treats, and guiltily finish off anything left in the carton in a once-a-year coffee splurge. The rest of the time I was much more restrained, and my coffee was just a morning habit. Half-and-half, or even milk, did the job of diluting the robust flavor.

I’m almost a vegetarian, and I have great cholesterol numbers. Maybe that’s why I’m comfortable with my food vice.  A few years ago, I began to buy cream a little more often. I think it was about the time I turned 40. Anyway, cream moved from a once or twice a year place on my grocery list to a weekly item. Now I am never without it, and my morning coffee is rich, satisfying, decadent. It’s not just a habit, it’s my morning comfort and reason for crawling out of the bed at 5:00 AM.

I often wonder who my fellow cream addicts are. I notice there is always a generous supply of cream in the dairy case, and as I only buy one carton a week, there must be others out there regularly supporting the cream component of the dairy world. Thank you, fellow cream lovers! I probably couldn’t carry the industry on my own, even though I’m delighted to do my part.

My husband is a steak lover, and when he drinks coffee, it is without embellishment: serious black coffee, like he learned to drink in medical school. He developed a coffee habit for the caffeine kick. I drink it for the flavor, and although I know it probably sounds sacrilegious to most people, I’ll trade steak for cream any day. If I’m going to have something that impacts my cholesterol, I’ll take it in a liquid form, thank you very much. At dinner, I’ll be the one with veggies on my plate. But I’ll make up for it at breakfast, when I indulge. And I’m over the guilt.

New tastes

/ Sheila / 1 Comment

Rob’s sister, Angela, who lives in California, introduced me to a lovely new treat last weekend. We stopped by a boutique bakery, which is actually part of a franchise, “Nothing Bundt Cakes.” This is what happens when you live in Alaska…yummy things appear and you don’t even know you’re missing out…there are no bundt cake bakeries in Ketchikan!

So check this out: http://www.nothingbundtcakes.com/   If you’re lucky enough to live near one of these little stores, I suggest you take yourself on an outing immediately and enjoy a sample, pick up a bundtlet, or a full size cake. The texture is amazing, the flavors (both I’ve tried, so far) are luscious, and the look is fun.  The small size is perfect for sharing with one or two others, if you must. But you may want to enjoy it alone, just you and a fork. And if you don’t live in a community with one of the stores, the website offers nation-wide shipping. I know, I know…it’s just cake! But wait till you try it. Then you’ll be like me, planning your next trip while checking out the store locations.

Thank you, Angela!

The other thing I just tried that was easy and fun was a recipe for Coconut Thai soup. It was simple and delicious, and the ingredients are basic enough to be found in any market. I followed the ingredient list, but I went a bit heavy on the lime and cilantro. I also saw a version of this recipe without the curry paste, for non-curry fans.

Coconut Thai Soup

Ingredients

1 tablespoon vegetable oil
2 tablespoons grated fresh ginger
1 stalk lemon grass, minced
2 teaspoons red curry paste
4 cups chicken broth
3 tablespoons fish sauce
1 tablespoon light brown sugar
3 (13.5 ounce) cans coconut milk
1/2 pound fresh shiitake mushrooms, sliced
1 pound medium shrimp – peeled and deveined
2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
salt to taste
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro

Directions

Heat the oil in a large pot over medium heat. Cook and stir the ginger, lemongrass, and curry paste in the heated oil for 1 minute. Slowly pour the chicken broth over the mixture, stirring continually. Stir in the fish sauce and brown sugar; simmer for 15 minutes. Stir in the coconut milk and mushrooms; cook and stir until the mushrooms are soft, about 5 minutes. Add the shrimp; cook until no longer translucent about 5 minutes. Stir in the lime juice; season with salt; garnish with cilantro.

Here’s to a happy kitchen adventure in cold January!

Start the year right

/ Sheila / 2 Comments

Our year has started with a jolt. Rob’s dad was admitted to the hospital on New Year’s Eve with double pneumonia, and is now going through additional testing. There may be a more serious underlying condition.

Our lives are in flux. We are in the process of initiating another round of change, upheaval, adventure…call it what you will. STRESS! I feel a permanent knot in my stomach. Rob is spending a lot of time on the phone with his sister, who is with his mom and dad. There are a lot of questions, and so far few answers.

I’m reminded that life is frequently inconvenient, unexpected, impossible to plan for in advance; that we are all vulnerable: to accidents, illness, to events that are unforeseen. And how do we navigate?

I don’t have the answers. Does anyone? We look for hope and comfort in a variety of ways. Through faith, through others, through routine and ritual that keep us going on automatic pilot even when our minds are consumed with the struggle of the day.

Oswald Chambers said, “The strain is the strength. If there is no strain, there is no strength.” A good thing to remember at the beginning of the year, especially one that is starting this way.

My kids are coming home

/ Sheila / 3 Comments

Sometimes you have to experience to understand. I knew as a child that my parents loved me. But I couldn’t understand that fully until I had my own children. Now, seeing the cycle repeat through Stephanie’s eyes, watching her fall in love with little Riley, I know that once again, the parent/child magic is at work.

As an adult, I knew that it was meaningful to my parents and to my inlaws when we visited.  They told us so, they thanked us for coming, for making the time to be with them. For most of our marriage, we have lived many states away from both sets of parents. Visits home were at best a couple of times each year. And some years the trips back to  family were supplemented with visits from our parents to us, in our home.

Now, still in the early years of our children being out of the nest, I realize more fully what a gift it is to parents to have adult children come for a visit. I can’t explain how it is different, having my kids back in our home, rather than visiting them in their homes or meeting somewhere for a vacation. Each scenario is enjoyable. But there is something unique about welcoming them back, about planning their favorite meals, about planning to spoil them a bit in the home setting. It isn’t about control or trying to turn them into children again…too late for that! But it is about recognizing that when they are “home,” there is a unique opportunity to mother, to enjoy having them under our roof again. It reminds me that our bonds, created over the years of childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood, have stood the test of time, have weathered the stages of growth, and that now, we are not only parents and children, we are friends. We call each other out of choice rather than obligation. We look for opportunities to share.

They have left the nest, but they come back to renew the connection, to reinforce the ties. We’ve done it: we successfully launched two fully functioning young people into their own lives. We let go, and now, we reap the reward of seeing their futures unfold. And next week, we’ll spend time with them here, at home, and it will be good.

Shared space and intimacy

/ Sheila / Leave a comment

Rob is coming home tomorrow. He’s been in Anchorage for the past few weeks for a combination of work and training. We’ve rarely been apart this long, and I’m ready to have him be a physical presence in my life again, not just a voice on the phone or a text message or email.

I’ve spent too many evenings and weekends home alone in recent months. When I’m home alone, dinner is usually a bowl of cereal or the time honored grilled cheese. Sometimes I get adventurous and pick up something from the deli when I’m at the grocery store. As much as I love to cook, I am completely disinterested in cooking for myself. But cooking dinner for the two of us…there’s enjoyment in that. This week I’ve thought about what we’ll have for dinner tomorrow night; over the weekend. We love fruit and cheese, shrimp cocktail, grilled salmon, roasted squash, caprese salad…I make my list for the grocery, remember to list the hot Thai peppers that Rob loves, tomato juice, egg beaters for his omelettes, the special cheese we both like. Usually we shop together and that’s a shared pleasure, but he has a long flight tomorrow so I’ll have at least the makings of dinner on hand so we don’t have that chore to do right away.

When he’s out of town, the dogs and I take over his favorite chair and I even sleep in a different room. Our king size bed is too big for me by myself, too empty. I move downstairs to the bedroom on the main floor and feel less alone at night in the smaller space. The dogs try to go upstairs to bed; I have to call them down to the room on the main floor. They’re confused by the change: why would I sleep in a different place?

I’ve thought a lot about shared space and intimacy in recent months. Two people can share a space and have little intimacy; or, every detail can suggest intimacy between the two. When Rob is home we have a familiar routine: we’re up early, and on weekdays, he has usually tuned in the market by the opening bell at 5:30. We begin the day with something warm, and then a couple of hours later have a leisurely breakfast. We sit in front of the windows in the sun room and watch the morning activity on the water, the fog lifting, the first jets of the day coming in to land at the airport across the Tongass Narrows.

We talk, discuss, share. Some days are about errands, some are slow and lazy. Some days we work out at the local rec center, sometimes go for a drive or walk down to one of the local beaches. Always there’s the question of what to do for dinner. We don’t cook together…we cook in sync. I put seasonings on meat or fish; he grills. I steam crab legs, he cracks the shells and takes the meat out for both of us. He chooses music to go with dinner, lights a candle for the table, I put the finishing touches on the meal.  Movie after dinner? Or sometimes he watches a foodie show with me.

There is a rhythm to our life that comes from long knowledge of each other. I know his pace and he knows mine. After 29 years together, does that make us dull, or intimate? I know what I think. It’s a sweet and comforting knowledge of this person who has been my partner through thick and thin, through good and bad, through all the cliches and the moments of magic. I’m looking foward to moving back upstairs tomorrow night, to having a dinner companion again, a movie buddy, my friend, my husband. I’m looking forward to sharing my space again.