Peace and goodwill

June 12, 2011June 12, 2011 / Sheila / 5 Comments

You cannot add to the peace and goodwill of the world if you fail to create an atmosphere of harmony and love right where you live and work ~ Thomas Dreier

This was my favorite quote last week. At first glance it seems simplistic and even needless to say that peace and goodwill have to begin at home. Where else could it begin? And yet you can turn on any tv news program or tune in talk radio and easily recognize that many people are not concerned with peace and goodwill anywhere, at home or world wide. And why is that?

Yes, there are times when conflict is unavoidable. And there are times that discord doesn’t rise to the level of conflict, but there is an absence of harmony and love.

Once upon a time I lived in an atmosphere of discord. I’m sorry to say that I caused a lot of it myself. I allowed my irritation and frustration to bubble up on a regular basis…never with people I worked with, or with friends. But sometimes with my kids, and most often, with my husband. Without seeking conflict, I regularly felt on edge, and was quick to adopt a defensive attitude.

At some point, I recognized that this wasn’t the person I wanted to be. I don’t recall now what specific circumstance triggered my breakthrough. But as I began to change myself, to choose to be different, it was easier and became natural to have a giving and forgiving spirit, a soft tone, and to brush off things that once raised my irritation level to red in the flash of a moment.

I learned to ask myself “how does this help?” as a filter for my words and actions. I’ve referenced that tool before, and I have to say it has been the single most useful internal check I have found.

Recently I have struggled with another facet of this behavior. I was reading about personality styles and specifically about passive personalities, and I began to question if the changes I have made in my behavior have made me a doormat, a passive person who takes refuge in agreement for the sake of agreement.

I fully acknowledge that I am not someone who seeks confrontation, so there is a piece of the passive personality that I identify with and recognize. However, the change in attitude and behavior that I am describing is actually anything but passive. Initially it took a lot of effort and self-control to change myself, and even now, years later, I practice these skills. I am active in my choice to bring harmony to my home as much as possible. The side benefit that I’ve received out of that choice, ingrained now by the habit of years, is that I rarely have to work at a loving attitude, a soft response. I have chosen that there are few things worth battle in my home and in my family relationships. I have chosen to foster harmony and joy.

It didn’t come easily at first. And there are still times when my natural instinct would be to react, to snap back at something that is irritating or frustrating. And this is not a declaration of perfection on my part. I still have moments, and if I don’t make some mistakes, I make others. But the point is: I’ve learned the secret. And the secret is choice.

If your world is not what you would like, make a choice. It has to begin with someone. Be the one. You’ll benefit, and my bet is that others in your family or circle of friends will benefit also. And the little extra, thrown in for free? You really will be adding to the peace and goodwill of the world. It begins with you, in your home, your family, your office, your circle. And the knowledge that you are choosing is very empowering, very liberating.

Key Lime Pie

June 9, 2011June 10, 2011 / Sheila / 7 Comments

Summer is officially here, and even in Ketchikan the weather is warming up. The afternoons are bright with the peculiar late day sun that is characteristic of Alaska. The best part of the day is late afternoon, and it stays light far into the evening, elongating the period between getting home from work and dinner: almost like a second afternoon to enjoy and linger in.

One of our favorite summer treats is Key Lime Pie. Couldn’t be easier to make, and you can prep the day before you plan to serve, so it’s a great option for entertaining.

This is the recipe for a classic version of the traditional Southern favorite:

Key Lime Pie

For crust
1 1/4 cups graham cracker crumbs from 9 (2 1/4-inch by 4 3/4-inch) crackers
2 tablespoons sugar
5 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

For filling
1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
4 large egg yolks
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons fresh or bottled Key lime juice

For topping
3/4 cup chilled heavy cream

Make crust: Preheat oven to 350°F.
Stir together graham cracker crumbs, sugar, and butter in a bowl with a fork until combined well, then press mixture evenly onto bottom and up side of a 9-inch (4-cup) glass pie plate.
Bake crust in middle of oven 10 minutes and cool in pie plate on a rack. Leave oven on.

Make filling and bake pie: Whisk together condensed milk and yolks in a bowl until combined well. Add juice and whisk until combined well (mixture will thicken slightly).
Pour filling into crust and bake in middle of oven 15 minutes. Cool pie completely on rack (filling will set as it cools), then chill, covered, at least 8 hours.

Make topping: Just before serving, beat cream in a bowl with an electric mixer until it just holds stiff peaks. Serve pie topped with cream.

Skydiving

June 8, 2011 / Sheila / 4 Comments

Yes, we really did it. Rob and I did a tandem sky dive jump on his 50th birthday. I wasn’t nervous until about five seconds before we jumped. We were both hooked to a professional jumper who was in charge of the hard part…pulling the chute, making sure we survived the adventure, and most important, keeping us (alright, me) from panic and any resulting hysteria.

The whole thing was surprisingly simple. Signing the release forms took a lot longer than the very brief instruction for a successful tandem jump. There were three main directives: first, you arch your back when you are in free fall; second, remember to breathe; and third, once the chute is opened, you can open your arms and stretch into the wind. That’s it. That’s all you need to know to jump out of a plane.

The short flight up to 13,000 feet was fun, sitting on a crowded bench with fellow jumpers. Most of the group was jumping without benefit of a professional attachment, which I didn’t really appreciate until I was standing looking out of the open door, staring into the air, faaarrr above the ground. I was just starting to say out loud, “I don’t think I can do this,” when I suddenly realized that I was HOOKED to this person I had paid to jump with me, and HE WAS GOING OUT THE DOOR. Obviously, that is a critical part of the experience. I would have been too paralyzed to jump if I had not been attached to another person who made it impossible for me to stay inside the plane.

As soon as we were out the door (didn’t see the first several seconds, my eyes were too tightly shut) I focused on breathing and holding the arched position that was required for the free fall. About the time I was opening my eyes I felt the chute open and the whole experience went into a sort of slow motion. It was beautiful and smooth, and I left the fear way above me, in the space just outside the door of the plane. The instructor gave me a little flight-seeing tour, pointing out different landmarks above San Diego and taking us through a series of gentle turns as we floated toward the landing area.

Would I do it again? I doubt it…not that I couldn’t, but I think it will be a once-in-a-lifetime experience for me. Once was enough.

And what did I learn? It was an amazing illustration of the power of connection, of having someone to push me beyond my comfort zone, and then to create a soft landing from a beginning that was frightening.

I thought of how often life is like that: two people connect themselves to each other, and at any given moment may switch out the roles of the professional leading the way and the novice along for the ride. Each person brings their expertise and their courage to the experience, and together, if the jump is successful, they navigate to solid ground and land right side up, feet first, in spite of having times of being upside down on the trip down.

Maybe I’m reaching in my analogy…but it seemed perfect to me. Life sometimes seems upside down, like I’ve jumped out of the plane and am looking for the landing zone. Sometimes I’m in the free fall zone, and sometimes I’m in the peaceful and inspiring space of floating, taking it all in. The key is the jump buddy I’m attached to. Well, it’s an interesting ride, and sometimes unpredictable. But I’m with the same buddy I’ve had for almost 30 years, and I haven’t crashed yet. Must be doing something right.

Here’s to jumping out, taking the plunge, and careful selection of your jumping partner. It makes all the difference when you’re standing at the door, looking out. Be sure you’re strapped on tight, and that you’re connected to someone who will be good for the ride! It’s an amazing experience, but the most important choice is the one you make before you leave the ground. It’s the choice of the jump buddy.

Training for transition

June 7, 2011June 8, 2011 / Sheila / 1 Comment

I’m training my replacement at work. By mutual agreement, I am transitioning to another position in the hospital, one that I will hold until the house sells and we leave Ketchikan. I feel good that this will be a smooth way to move from my current role and still maintain income and benefits. But it’s bringing home the reality of the disconnection process. I’ll be stepping away from some fun (and funny) co-workers who have been good to me, helped me grow, and have been unfailingly kind as Rob and I have been on a merry-go-round of sorting out our lives and next steps.

I didn’t begin my work life in a hospital environment, and in fact, only transitioned to that about five years ago, using a variety of administrative and general office skills to fill an office role in the hospital in Kotzebue, AK. Then, because of that work experience, I was hired for an administrative role here in the Ketchikan hospital. The work is diverse, and although there are some tasks that come around on a regular basis, it never gets boring.

I’m fortunate to have an inside track to understand the complex world of healthcare and medicine in 2011. And of course, I understand almost nothing at a clinical level, since I’m averse to things like blood and needles. And how is it that I work in a hospital at all, you may ask. Well, there is a surprising amount of work that goes on in healthcare environments that has little to do with medicine, and everything to do with the business of medicine. And that’s the side of healthcare that I sit on.

I work for PeaceHealth, a Catholic hospital system that has a core mission of service. I see regular instances of selfless giving. It’s not all about money. I also see the burden that modern medicine, societal expectations, long hours, thin staffing, and a challenging and isolated environment imposes on providers and staff. I hear the comments that physicians make in meetings, see the lifestyle of long clinic days, nights and weekends impacted by call, and recognize anew: it’s a difficult profession.

And what is the point of this to me? It’s given me a view of Rob’s world that I never had before, and helped me to grasp, in a very real way, the issues that he faces on a regular basis. One of my tasks in my current job is managing the primary care call calendar, and I understand the impact of call in a small clinic practice. I hear the talk, I understand the issues, in a way that I could not have understood in the past.

And has it made a difference? I think maybe it has.

I understand a lot more than I did when I moved to Alaska, almost five years ago. It’s been a long road, and I’m not sure what my work life will be like in the future. But I hope I’ll be able to hold on to the realizations I’ve come to, and the insight into my husband and my marriage as both have been shaped by the profession of medicine. It is consuming, almost all-consuming, and I don’t think it is an exaggeration to say that we would be very different people if Rob had chosen a different profession.

I know that it isn’t possible for most people to enter into the work life of a spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend. But if you can, even if it’s just for a short while, or in a limited way, it may change your perceptions. And isn’t that what we all need? We want to be understood, to know that the person we share a life with can understand, can empathize. If you could see what I see, know what I know…

Bumps in the road!

June 6, 2011June 7, 2011 / Sheila / 2 Comments

Last week I was in vacation mode. I was in sunny southern California. There was not one drop of rain the whole week. I got some sun, actually had to wear sunscreen; sat out by a pool one day; ate several meals out doors; wore summer clothes and sunglasses; and I shopped, ate, and slept in. Better still, I was in birthday mode, and we stretched Rob’s big 5-0 celebration out over several days with events and cake and ice cream on multiple occasions.

It was a good week, but now I’m back to reality. 5:00 AM was hard to face this morning, as was the cooler weather of southeast Alaska. It was a nice day here, but I stretched it a bit with my summer clothing. I wore a sweater, but couldn’t bring myself to wear a coat or…horrors…another turtleneck! All done with those options until fall is back on the calendar.

So the birthday week was good. However, there was a casualty of travel. My little netbook that has been my daily companion for the past couple of years had an encounter that effectively ended its life. I’m still not entirely sure what happened, but somehow in the course of travel, the screen was damaged beyond use or reasonable cost for repair. At the time this occurred, the computer was in its padded case, inside my backpack. But the backpack was with some other luggage and must have been jostled, to say the least, in transit. All I know is that everything was fine when I powered down the morning we headed to California, and when I booted up that evening, the damage had been done.

So, I am now the proud owner of an iPad. Since I primarily surf the internet, do email, and write my blog…no gaming or serious use of programs in general…I decided to try the iPad as a replacement. So far, although there are a few losses, there are also some fun gains.

I also came home with an allergy flare, or a cold…can’t quite decide which variety of drippy nose I have, but I’m leaning toward the allergy theory.

Last week was great. But I have to admit I woke up this morning thinking: I’m broke (well, for the month anyway…the iPad and other outings consumed my fun money for June); I’m on an air and water diet after a week of indulging; and I’m sick.

It’s hard to come down from 13,000 feet!

Taking the plunge

June 1, 2011 / Sheila / 8 Comments

What a view!

What do you give for a memorable birthday present, to truly mark the moment? Well, there’s no one right answer. But for Rob, who’s birthday is today, it had to be an experience. He always says he values experience more than things, and anyway, as most people have sorted out by 50, there are only so many things a person needs. He’s not one to collect status symbols, or to collect anything, for that matter.

Since we’re in California, it’s easy to focus on the outdoors, another love of his. So I planned a day of:

~early morning walk on the beach

~favorite breakfast

~11:00 AM reservation for tandem skydives…yes, we’re taking the plunge!

~afternoon birthday cake

~Sushi for dinner

~Day’s end in a jacuzzi under the stars

Happy Birthday to Rob, my one and only. And may this be the beginning of the best years of your life!

Image from Wikipedia