Life skills

How do you work?

/ Sheila / Leave a comment

“When you play, play hard; when you work, don’t play at all.”

“Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.”

“The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

I’m leaving the position I’ve had the past 2 1/2 years for another job within the hospital. It’s bittersweet for me, because although I think this is the right move for me, given our plans to sell the house and eventually move away from Ketchikan, the reality is that hasn’t happened yet. I am leaving a great group of people who have become friends as well as co-workers, and I’ll miss them. But this move takes pressure off filling my position at short notice. The right person came along and we all agreed this was the thing to do.

It has made me think a bit about my work life. I’ve been fortunate to have a partner who does the heavy lifting when it comes to income. I’ve worked to pay for some extras, to cover kid camps and family gifts, the niceties of life. Oh, I pay for groceries and I cover car payments, but Rob has paid the big bills. So although I’ve worked very steadily, my positions have been job oriented rather than career focused. But that has also allowed me to be in some unique and enjoyable roles through my work life. I’ve done event planning for the Chamber of Commerce in Midland, MI; worked for a decade for a small map company in Evergreen, CO, that was eventually bought by National Geographic; spent the past five years here in Alaska in the field of healthcare administration, learning the world of hospitals, physicians, meetings, acronyms like alphabet soup; spent some time substitute teaching from kindergarten to high school; and even had a role in HR in one of my earlier jobs. I’ve had variety and I’ve always landed among good people that allowed me to try, to experiment, and to (mostly) succeed. Not bad for a liberal arts degree from long ago!

I like the quotes above because I think they speak to the fundamentals that make for a successful work life. The first one is pretty clear: get the job done. Alright, I’ll admit that sometimes laughter erupts during a meeting at work. That’s ok, even good. But the focus is on the job. Get work done at work and play time will take care of itself.

The second quote is really foundational to the way I’ve moved through my various job scenarios. Of course this philosophy only goes so far…you can’t bluff your way into doing surgery, or flying a plane, or many other things. But if you have basic skills and a can-do spirit, many doors will open to you. I’ve been so fortunate to work in environments that have stretched me, given me need and incentive to learn new software, new tools, new words, to reach beyond the knowledge I brought with me to the position of the moment. Each job I’ve had has given me unique perspective and abilities that I’ve then been able to use in later settings. Nothing is lost along the way if you make the most of the opportunities as they present themselves.

And in proper order, the best is the last: getting along with people is THE key to everything: personal life, work life, social life…each world is a part of our larger universe, and each world is filled with people. And some will make you laugh and just be glad you’re living. Others will make you crazy. Your job is to learn to navigate and to work with whoever is in your path. That’s what ultimately gives success. Success is measured in financial gain, but more importantly, it is measured in ways that can’t be measured. It’s the human touch, the encouragement you give, the smile you share.

If you work full time, you spend a lot of your life and your energy in that setting. Here’s hoping that you’ve found your own secret to success, and that you have a work philosophy that works for you.

Who knows what’s next for me? I’ll be here for a while yet, waiting on the sale of the house. But when I move on, I’ll take the skills I acquired here and the experience, add it to the rest of the knowledge I’ve accumulated, and be off to see what new life adventure is waiting for me. Chances are, I won’t be doing anything that requires a lot of math or conflict management. But whatever I’m doing, I expect to enjoy it, broaden myself a bit, and keep my people skills fresh.

Here comes the bride!

/ Sheila / 6 Comments

The Fairytale

It’s summer, the bridal season: the most popular time of year for weddings. I was looking through a Bride magazine a few days ago, waiting in the check-out line in the grocery, and a beautiful dress caught my eye. No, I’m not in the market for a wedding dress. I got married almost 30 years ago. My daughter got married five years ago, and she had a beautiful gown. She doesn’t need another. Hopefully the marriage she’s in will last her.

But though I’m not shopping for a dress, I couldn’t resist looking closer at the classic and elegant fairytale image on the magazine rack. And why is that? Does the dress make the event? Is it really the show-stopper? Yes. We all want the fairytale, and the dress, the big wedding, the traditions, the special touches all combine to convince us: this will last. This is true love.

I’ve had a plethora of relationship issues swirling about me in the past few months. Multiple couples in my life, at various ages and stages of relationships, are in trouble. I don’t want to oversimplify, and there’s no one fix for all. But as I was venting about one of these situations last weekend with Rob, he suddenly smiled and said that it would be more appropriate if couples got married in construction work clothes rather than fancy dress; more true to life if the bride and groom carried tools to symbolize the never-ceasing work required to build a marriage, rather than the classic bouquet and boutonniere.

I had to smile at the thought too. Imagine, instead of the fairytale scene of an outdoor wedding on a June day, or the symbolism of ancient traditions in a church, imagine you attended a wedding all dressed up in your finest Saturday paint clothes, or the outfit you choose for yard work? What if you and the others who attend the wedding to show support and love for the couple came armed with all sorts of items to help with the daily chores of life and marriage? Cleaning supplies, budget programs, self-help books, counseling resources, babysitters? What if each couple standing up to share their vows faced a sea of people visibly committed to supporting the marriage in good times and bad, with practical, emotional, spiritual and physical assistance?

Well, it would be symbolic, that’s for sure. I understand that in fact, many couples do receive support from family and friends, and many enter marriage at an older age and with more life experience under their belts. I know that wearing one costume or another doesn’t guarantee the degree of sincerity or the ability to stick with a hard situation, through difficult times. But I think that it might make a striking impression on everyone involved if there was a visual demonstration of the work a couple commits to with their exchange of vows.

I thought about the reality of that scene for a few moments…no, it would never fly. Most brides, or mothers of brides, want the photos, the memories, the big event. And I understand that. That’s what I had, what I wanted. So I came up with a compromise concept.

Here’s my proposal: Just like the work of preparing for a party comes before the actual party, so the symbolic work of getting married should come before the celebration of getting married. The wedding would be a two-part event: the couple invites guests to join them for the ceremony and the dress code is work clothes, the grubbier, the better. Each guest is invited to bring something to symbolize a part of marriage and family. The couple shares their vows, and then there is a short break for guests and the bridal party to move on to the second stage of the wedding: the fairy tale. This re-staging of the marriage vows, complete with bridal pomp and circumstance, is the celebration and the photo-op that is the wedding portrait.

Yes, a bit cumbersome to go through a double event to commemorate a marriage. But after all, if it’s really supposed to last a lifetime, surely an extra hour or two is worth it? And what better way to impress upon bride and groom, as well as family and friends, that the foundation of marriage takes work and effort, from the very beginning? The fairytale is important too, because it symbolizes the part we all hope for: the happily-ever-after, the beautiful bride, the handsome groom, the perfect scene.

I don’t mean to imply that anyone going through relationship difficulties hasn’t tried hard enough or worked at making things work. I know a lot of people do their very best, but that doesn’t always equal happiness or the ability to last. No relationship is fail-proof. I’ve had experience of that myself: my relationship has had it’s ups and downs, some of them severe. I know a bit about difficulties, and about overcoming.

Well, this probably won’t be the new cutting edge in weddings…too involved. But maybe the next time you’re invited to a wedding, along with the traditional gift of china or crystal, linens or kitchen appliance, you can add a practical tool or two to send the message: it’s work. It’s hard work. But don’t be afraid of it. Like most things that require hard work, making a marriage out of a wedding takes energy, creativity, passion, determination, selfless giving, and a lot of luck. But the result will be worth it. So worth it.

Photo from here

What would you do in six months?

/ Sheila / 1 Comment

My husband was reading a book recently that referenced a woman who routinely considers what she would do if she only had six months left to live. Of course, if you absolutely knew you only had six months, there would be some things that would be doable that you would never actually do, outside of a mental exercise. Unless I knew, I wouldn’t quit work. I wouldn’t use all my savings, either on travel or kids or good causes. I wouldn’t drop my health insurance, or skip making my next dental cleaning appointment.

But what would I do if I knew? I’m not sure I can define a timeline…how do you determine how much time out of a six month window is enough? Enough time with your spouse, your children, your grandchild, your family? How much time would I want for myself? I think there are a few places in the world I would want to see with Rob at my side. There are some friends I would want to connect with, in person. I would want to be deliberate and intentional in my choices, in how I spent my time.

Would it be possible to use each moment wisely? And what would I want to leave as a legacy? I want my children to know I am a woman of faith: faith in God, faith in them, faith in life. Life isn’t always fair, pretty, or happy. But it is wonderful, full of surprises. I’ve learned not to write the end of the story before its time, because the ending I think I see is probably not the end that will ultimately be. And so I’ve learned that it is worthwhile to watch and to wait.

There’s a quote I like from Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood, a movie about a dysfunctional family and a daughter coming to terms with the impact of the dysfunction in her life. In one scene she is with her dad, and she asks him, “Daddy, did you get loved enough?” And I think that’s the question I would ask the people I love. I know how I feel about each one. But I would want to be sure that each one knew, from me, in my words, how I love them.

This isn’t really a morbid thing to do. I actually found it enjoyable to think about what is most important to me; about who is most important.

I’m not experiencing end-of-life premonitions, nor do I expect to lose my house to a fire, if you read my previous post. I’m really in a good place. But I am 50, and several people have mentioned to me that this was a year in their lives of introspection, contemplation, and re-discovery. I don’t think I’m naval-gazing…I like to think I’m cleaning out and re-setting myself. It’s good to evaluate and get re-acquainted after years of “keeping milk in the house.”

So, if you’re up for some introspection, right after you finish contemplating what you would save if your house was on fire (see yesterday’s post), give some thought to what you would do in your last six months. Or play with the formula…give yourself a year, shorten the time frame…it can be your exercise to design as you choose. I think it’s worthwhile to consider. Just don’t get carried away and turn in your resignation. Chances are you’ll be around far beyond the time you allot yourself!

What would I take?

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I’m sometimes inspired by other blog authors. It’s amazing what a variety of topics people blog about, some of a serious nature, some funny. There are how-to blogs, travel and cooking blogs; parenting and relationship blogs. Some are written as essays. Others have a kind of gritty reality that can be a little unnerving if the subject matter is also gritty.

Now and then I run across a reference to a website that I have to check out for myself. I recently found a website, http://theburninghouse.com/ that poses the challenge to readers: if your house is on fire, what would you save? After you sort that out in your mind, you gather the items and make a photo and submit, along with your list, to the site.

I scanned a few of the entries. As you might expect, the items in some lists seemed randomly chosen. In others, there were the more the practical and sentimental objects most people would select. The photos are interesting. Do you think you could put into one photo the MOST important things (not including people or pets, this is about STUFF) in your home?

I challenged myself to work through this exercise. Not only would it be useful, just in case my house should be on fire and I happen to be around to secure my items to save; but also, thinking it out would help me to assign priority and value. Surely that would be worthwhile.

Turns out, not too much made my list of the essentials. I would grab my purse (has all my cards, id, planner, phone); my iPad; some favorite portraits of my children and family; my jewelry; my recipe collection that has the handwritten and tried and true treasures I’ve accumulated over my adult lifetime; my Bible I’ve had since high school; important documents; a few favorite old books; and a handful of items that I have sentimental attachment to…a few things from family, and from my kids’ childhood. That’s it. The furniture I love, the decorative items, clothing, framed art, kitchen stuff, china, knick-knacks…it’s all good, all meaningful to me. But would I save it from a burning house? No.

So what is really important? Mostly, I would save the things that represent the people that are important in my life: my husband, my children, my family. The portraits and few items that I would save for sentimental reasons are important because I can’t replace them…portraits of my children from years ago, or my wedding, or of family that is no longer here. The books are writings that have been old friends to me for many years, that have taught me and sustained me. The jewelry that I own is not so much valuable as it is meaningful: each piece was given to me by my husband or my parents, or my children. The recipes are full of memories of people who have shared with me, and who have had a place in my life.

Now, to collect everything and make a photo…what would you save? I challenge you to think it through. Hopefully no one has to find out the hard way if this is truly useful…I certainly don’t need a house on fire to help me know what’s important. But it gives context to the question, and gives me insight to myself as I walk through the house and craft my answer.

Food must-haves

/ Sheila / 4 Comments

The Market

Grocery time again…how does it come around so often? I make my list, because I never go without a list – that’s fatal – a sure way to come out with a cart full of essentials that have nothing to do with What’s For Dinner – you know – olives, and favorite teas, special cheese, fancy herbs and spices. You get home and realize: I just spent (fill in the blank) and have…nothing to eat. But I could garnish a fabulous salad bar, and I have a pantry full of exotic extras. So, everything goes on the list, even standards like milk and cream. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned about shopping…if it’s on my list, it’s more likely to make it into my cart and out the door. No guarantees…oh no, the grocery cart is just like life…being on the list doesn’t mean I’ll actually pick up the item. If I’m with Rob I’m much better. If I’m shopping alone, I’m likely to be one of the multi-tasking people who is also on the phone strolling down the aisles. (I do make a point of being off the phone when I go through the check-out. I mean, there are limits!) Check out etiquette demands that the customer have the standard chit-chat that’s required for the process of spending amazing amounts in a few short minutes and leaving with checker and customer feeling like there was a fair exchange of produce for cyber money.

But the point of all this is…I suddenly noticed that so many of the things I now consider standard for my pantry/fridge were once unknown in my kitchen universe. Some of the change is due to exposure…you experience a taste and can’t get enough of it. Or you suddenly have access to an item that you haven’t been able to purchase in the past. Sometimes the adventure of trying a recipe that has an ingredient new to me is enlightenment enough, and I find that I have a new staple to stock.

Now I buy (on a regular basis):

~chopped dates – essential for making English Toffee Pudding dessert. I don’t make this often. But I might need to make it at any time. Best to be prepared; when you need this dessert, you NEED it.

~lemongrass – amazing flavor for Asian dishes, subtle but distinct.

~cilantro (love that taste and fragrance) – kicks up Mexican standards and Asian recipes, or just plain good in salads.

~fresh mozzarella – required for Caprese salad, and let me just say that I could eat this salad every day for the rest of my life; also perfect for a grown up grilled cheese (definition of grown up grilled cheese is multiple cheeses on a grilled panini that creates an ultimate ooey-gooey-eating experience when you take a bite…)

~ginger-peach tea – best flavor for unsweetened iced tea, my personal choice for beverage of the year.

~turbinado sugar – perfect for sprinkling on top of muffins or cookies to add a finishing touch before baking.

~Balsamic vinegar – How do I love thee? Let me count the ways: good for salads, marinades, sweet and savory dishes.

~Dubliner cheddar cheese – so sharp it practically squeaks! Cannot. get. enough. of. this.

~egg beaters – an essential for Rob’s morning scramble.

~water crackers – perfect light pairing with sharp cheeses.

~small containers of gourmet ice cream – I love to get a BOGO or 2-for price and choose our favorite flavors. The small size is perfect for indulging without too much guilt, and this size has a significantly smaller freezer footprint than standard containers.

~edamame – I love these little beans, and they’re good for you. I think if you eat enough of these they actually erase the impact of cream addiction.

~Greek yogurt – so thick and luxurious!

~sparkling water – another thing I buy for Rob, when he’s not drinking “Hawaiian” water – water with various fruits diced up and added to give flavor without calories.

~rhubarb – best for fruit pies and crisps, and the best combination is rhubarb and orange. If you’re lucky enough to have a rhubarb plant you will never need to buy this again. You will have plenty to use in season, to freeze for out of season, and you may find yourself looking for unlocked vehicles to share your extra rhubarb bounty with fortunate strangers…yes, it grows at an amazing rate (at least in a rainforest).

~Bocca burgers – I can hear my son groaning now…he’s a meat snob and looks askance at anything vegetarian that masquerades as a burger. I don’t say that this replaces the classic grilled beef burger, but in a pinch, and especially if I’m eating dinner alone, it’s an easy and good alternative.

These are a few of my favorites at the market. Ten years from now, or possibly sooner, I’ll have a different list of kitchen standards. But at the moment, I’ll be feasting on these things. Hey, I know What’s For Dinner!

Peace and goodwill

/ Sheila / 5 Comments

You cannot add to the peace and goodwill of the world if you fail to create an atmosphere of harmony and love right where you live and work ~ Thomas Dreier

This was my favorite quote last week. At first glance it seems simplistic and even needless to say that peace and goodwill have to begin at home. Where else could it begin? And yet you can turn on any tv news program or tune in talk radio and easily recognize that many people are not concerned with peace and goodwill anywhere, at home or world wide. And why is that?

Yes, there are times when conflict is unavoidable. And there are times that discord doesn’t rise to the level of conflict, but there is an absence of harmony and love.

Once upon a time I lived in an atmosphere of discord. I’m sorry to say that I caused a lot of it myself. I allowed my irritation and frustration to bubble up on a regular basis…never with people I worked with, or with friends. But sometimes with my kids, and most often, with my husband. Without seeking conflict, I regularly felt on edge, and was quick to adopt a defensive attitude.

At some point, I recognized that this wasn’t the person I wanted to be. I don’t recall now what specific circumstance triggered my breakthrough. But as I began to change myself, to choose to be different, it was easier and became natural to have a giving and forgiving spirit, a soft tone, and to brush off things that once raised my irritation level to red in the flash of a moment.

I learned to ask myself “how does this help?” as a filter for my words and actions. I’ve referenced that tool before, and I have to say it has been the single most useful internal check I have found.

Recently I have struggled with another facet of this behavior. I was reading about personality styles and specifically about passive personalities, and I began to question if the changes I have made in my behavior have made me a doormat, a passive person who takes refuge in agreement for the sake of agreement.

I fully acknowledge that I am not someone who seeks confrontation, so there is a piece of the passive personality that I identify with and recognize. However, the change in attitude and behavior that I am describing is actually anything but passive. Initially it took a lot of effort and self-control to change myself, and even now, years later, I practice these skills. I am active in my choice to bring harmony to my home as much as possible. The side benefit that I’ve received out of that choice, ingrained now by the habit of years, is that I rarely have to work at a loving attitude, a soft response. I have chosen that there are few things worth battle in my home and in my family relationships. I have chosen to foster harmony and joy.

It didn’t come easily at first. And there are still times when my natural instinct would be to react, to snap back at something that is irritating or frustrating. And this is not a declaration of perfection on my part. I still have moments, and if I don’t make some mistakes, I make others. But the point is: I’ve learned the secret. And the secret is choice.

If your world is not what you would like, make a choice. It has to begin with someone. Be the one. You’ll benefit, and my bet is that others in your family or circle of friends will benefit also. And the little extra, thrown in for free? You really will be adding to the peace and goodwill of the world. It begins with you, in your home, your family, your office, your circle. And the knowledge that you are choosing is very empowering, very liberating.

What I learned today

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My netbook

Blogging has been good for me. I’m sort of a medium computer savvy person, meaning, I can work my way around the standard Microsoft Office programs, and over the years, I’ve picked up a lot of knowledge the old fashioned way: trial and error. Even with the occasional formal class, I’ve learned a lot on my own. I know how to search for answers from online help, and I can frequently find the solution I need when I run into a problem. So I’m not highly knowledgeable in a technical sense, but I’m not bad either.

But with blogging, I’m learning new skills. The program I’m using makes it pretty simple. You can do a lot with a click of a button. But there are tips and tricks that I’m slowly working through. Today I learned to link another page using live text…you know, when you see a word “here” and you click to another page. I learned to do that for my blog. I’ve known how to link other sites or blogs, but this was a new little learning. I love the small victories!

The best part? You can look wonderfully professional (sometimes!) with all the tools that come with the blogging program. Confession: I’m just an at-home amateur. But it’s fun, it’s creative, it’s challenging, and who knows where it will lead?

Yay for the digital world!

Keep Trying

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Little Riley is transitioning to table food.

Riley

She’s almost off baby foods completely, and is getting less of her daily nutrition from milk now, more from solid foods. Of course, she has a limited diet. Foods are introduced one at a time, and having only a few teeth yet, she is unable to tackle anything but soft or easily dissolved textures. Some foods she has already rejected, at least for now. She doesn’t think she likes peas. She loves pasta, and cheese, bananas and yogurt. Anything that doesn’t suit her taste is quickly moved off her tray to the floor. Surprising how early little kids learn to spit out what they don’t like.

But sometimes offering a food again gets a different result. Does she forget she already tried something and didn’t like it? Maybe her first round rejection was more a reflection of a bad mood, or she wasn’t really hungry. Who knows what a one year old is thinking when it comes to choice?

Sometimes I surprise myself with the same type of about face. I recently tried oysters again. And this time, for the first time, I liked them. I had locally harvested Coffman Cove oysters, renowned for their delicacy, and showcased on seafood menus. Not sure what made the difference: the variety of oyster, the freshness, or the preparation. These oysters were baked in their shells. The shells were easily opened after baking, and the oyster was delicate and delicious, spritzed with lemon and dipped in melted butter. What have I been missing all these years I thought I didn’t like oysters?! Turns out, I didn’t care for raw oysters. But this new taste has me excited to try them again, which I plan to do this very weekend.

Obviously, not everything we dislike at first will grow into a like. Sometimes I become more convinced, a second or third time around, that my first opinion of a food or experience was correct: never going to work for me, or be a first choice. If I’m starving, there are some foods I could eat. But that doesn’t mean I would select them, short of desperate need. In other cases, exposure equals acceptance. I’ve recognized that in many situations. I’ve had to warm up to some things, but eventually, I’ve moved a place or experience…or even a person…from the “dislike” to “like” column in my log of personal preferences.

Stephanie called me yesterday to say that Riley had eaten peas with her dinner the night before. Good job, Riley! Keep trying, and maybe you’ll find you change your mind about a food you dislike, or something even more important. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve sometimes been quick to judge, to form an opinion, to know how I felt about something, or someone. And then…a different context, or preparation, or even a different mood on my part, and my attitude shifts. Watching Riley experience the early phase of discovery of choice reminds me that I can change my mind, that trying something again can make a difference. And that you can miss out on some good things if you quit trying too quickly.

Reality check

/ Sheila / 1 Comment

I went for a little ride yesterday. No, I wasn’t at Disneyland or driving some stretch of highway. I was lying on a table in the ultrasound room of the Women’s Imaging Center, waiting for the results of a breast exam. It was a long half hour.

I had a mammogram a few weeks ago, just a routine screening. I got a call on my cell from my gynecologist’s office while I was in Arizona for Riley’s birthday. I needed to come back for a follow up. The radiologist had requested “more views.”

“This happens all the time,” the woman on the phone said. “They just like to be sure they haven’t missed anything.” Well, I was in baby mode, birthday mode, and it was comforting to accept that opinion. I didn’t lose any sleep over it, but I did make an appointment to have the second screening when I got back to Ketchikan.

I went downstairs for the second mammogram yesterday morning. Fortunately for my peace of mind, the radiologist read the images right away. She was still not quite satisfied, and recommended the next step, a breast ultrasound. I agreed; better to be safe than sorry. Since I work in the hospital, I asked the person scheduling to work me in whenever she had an opening. It might be a few days, but she assured me she would do that.

Two hours later I got a call. Could I come down at 2:30? Yes, I was happy to get this done, get it out of the way. A little voice in my head wondered if this was really just a sudden opening, or if there was something the radiologist had seen that pushed me up in the urgent queue? I hadn’t picked up on any concern. But isn’t that the job of professionals? Don’t alarm the patient. Remain calm. And after all, they do this every day. I’m the novice. I can still count on one hand the number of mammograms I’ve had.

The staff in the imaging clinic is extremely nice. I am polite and calm as I check in. The gowns are warmed. The lighting is soft.  No one is excited here, we all know this is just routine. If they don’t seem alarmed, why should I? I could have taken a nap during the ultrasound, except that it’s a bit difficult to relax with gel on your breasts and questions going through your mind every time the tech lingers over a specific spot. What does she see? Why is she slowing down? I know it’s not appropriate to ask the technician to tell me what she thinks. Although I’m sure anyone in that role has enough knowledge to recognize an abnormal tissue mass, it is not the tech’s responsibility to discuss findings with the patient. So I resist the urge to pepper her with questions. I’m a model patient, shifting and adjusting as she completes the test.

Again, the radiologist will read the views right away. And again I wonder: is that normal, or do they seem something that requires urgency? The tech steps out of the room to confer with the doctor, and I’m left to stare at the ceiling and question.

I think the things that I assume most women think: this will be fine. Nothing to see here. I comfort myself. I don’t have a family history of breast cancer. I feel fine. I’m only 50! (Cliché alert: as they say, it looks younger every day!)

Then, for just a moment, I allow myself to imagine. This is how it starts sometimes. Just a routine exam, a little question, another test. And then, something definite. A diagnosis is made. Suddenly the lists are not about errands or chores, they are about appointments, tests, surgery, follow up, treatment. I watched my dad go down this path with colon cancer. I’ve seen others go through this. Why do I think I’m immune from this possibility? Why do any of us think the age old “it won’t happen to me?” I already know the end of the story. I know someday I’ll die of something. But I’m only 50! And that eventual reality is comfortably distant, isn’t it?

I think about the times in life that have focused me: the birth of my children, the loss of a loved one. Or on rare occasions, the poignant moments that stand out, that are frozen in my memory: the good stuff. Why, I ask myself, why can’t I keep the truly important things at the top of the list? Why do they always slip down below the urgent? Why is so much of life about keeping milk in the house?

Maybe we aren’t built to stand the intensity of the deepest emotion, the pinnacle experiences, on a 24/7 basis. They’re intense, these times of insight. They’re beautiful, magical. But intense. Who could live at that level all the time? And maybe, the very fact of routine in life is what keeps the magic in the other moments.

It seemed like a long time the tech was out of the room. Maybe it wasn’t. I was just rounding the corner of all of this in my mind when the door opened. “Ok, just keep up with your scheduled screenings. Looks good.” She smiled and opened the door for me. I went back to the dressing room to change, reassured and feeling vindicated that I had known I was fine all along. Nothing to see here.

Yes, it was all routine. Except for those few minutes on the exam table. They were a sharp reminder of what’s important in life. Funny how the extremes, good or bad, wonderful or frightening, can have the same effect. I left the clinic and walked back to my office, smiling, thankful that this wasn’t the day to switch out my lists. I have to remember to pick up milk on the way home, and the dry cleaning, not schedule a surgery.

Fairy tales and happy endings

/ Sheila / 2 Comments

Kate and William

Saw a little bit of the royal wedding coverage this morning as I was getting ready to go into the office. It would be easy to be cynical about the whole production and wonder how long the new couple will last. After all, in addition to the normal pitfalls any marriage faces, William and Kate have the burden of living very public lives and knowing that the world is watching and interpreting every word and action. And obviously, wealth and position do not compensate for life in a fish bowl.

But in spite of all of that, shouldn’t they have the chance to write their own fairy tale and happily-ever-after life, if it’s possible to achieve that? Don’t all couples face challenges? If wealth and youth don’t guarantee success, neither do they promise failure. The reality is that whatever the statistical chances of this marriage lasting, only the two of them can make it work, or cause it to fail. Everyone else is an onlooker.

Fairy tales endings are hard to come by in the real world. But in spite of that, we keep looking. Maybe that’s why so many people are drawn to the display of ancient ritual and tradition, watching the parade of family and ceremony that symbolize faith: faith two people have in each other and in themselves, to succeed at this thing called marriage. To beat the odds. To show the cynics. To live happily ever after.

Good luck to them. They’ll need it. Marriage…any marriage…is work. It’s also pleasure, joy, fulfillment, companionship, support, love, romance. But bottom line, it is work. There’s no escape from that. Maybe that’s where the fairy tale falls apart so often. Couples expect all of the good stuff to carry them, and forget that the work never ends, is never finished, is always waiting the next day.

Here’s hoping they understand that ever after began today, this morning. Here’s hoping they don’t get lost in the routine, the pressures, the public face, in others. Here’s hoping they write their own fairy tale, and it ends happily ever after, as all stories with a prince and princess should.