Walkabout in my mind

So I was laying in bed last night, trying not to drown…I’ll spare the details, but let’s just say my wad of tissues never left my hand for the six hours I lay there. I began to think, God bless the person who invented Kleenex. Because the worst thing to use to blow your nose is toilet paper. You know, you just can’t make it work. It’s too flimsy, even the good brands. It disintegrates too easily. And you can’t carry it around with you…no neat little packs of toilet tissue to slip into your purse or pocket.

Then my mind wandered to all the things on my list today. Meetings, scheduling, call calendars to populate, emails to return, an evening open house to learn about the road construction heading my neighborhood’s way…my blog that has been dormant for a couple of weeks now…the trip planning we have to complete…on and on and on. When this happens in conversation, it’s called “hot-wiring.” You know, the not uncommon habit of leaping from one subject to another…seemingly random, but really with connectedness that makes sense from inside my head.

I lay in bed, rehearsing all my to-dos, registering a hundred details flying through my brain. I used to write letters in my head at night, or talk out arguments. So many times I’ve thought everything out, gotten just the right wording. And then I fall asleep. By morning I can barely remember any of it…the careful wording, the perfect answer that I crafted at 3:30.

This morning, I was flying. Made muffins to deliver to friends, made breakfast, made lunch to take to work, put dinner in the slow cooker, ironed, showered, collected myself and got out the door. I dropped Rob off at the clinic (we only have one vehicle here in Ketchikan) and got to the office for a day of busyness and mild chaos.

This evening, we went to a meeting hosted by the city engineering department. We went to learn how the bridge we live on will be replaced, a section at a time, and how this will impact us for months. The project is scheduled to begin in a year or two. They’re in the very early design phase, the time when they invite the homeowners to view the plans, ask questions, and be alarmed or reassured, depending on your point of view.

I’m reassured. The bridge has homes constructed on both sides of the street, and it only has a few more years…maybe a decade…of usable life. So replacing it is not an option, it is a necessity. It will be a good thing in the end. The utility poles and wiring will disappear below the surface of the new bridge (we were assured), dramatically improving our view.

I’m alarmed. Rob thinks we won’t be able to sell the house until after this process is completed…he thinks no one would want to buy it now with a lengthy and inconvenient construction project looming. (Did I mention there will be a stretch of a “few” months that we will not be able to park at the house? We’ll have to park somewhere waaay down the street, beyond the construction zone, and walk, in the rain, (13 feet of rain a year here) with groceries or whatever we’re wagging.)

I’m pooped. We listed this house last year, without one offer materializing. My husband says we’re at a point in life when we can’t afford to take a big loss. It’s a great house, but a lousy market. He says I’ll have this house till I die. I tell him that’s not true, unless I’m hit by a bus. But it’s hard to transition when the biggest thing in the way is not moving. Literally, we are not moving. We are thinking about moving, but we’re not doing it. At least not now. Maybe not for the foreseeable future. I have to think about this for a while. And I’m tired of thinking about it.

Going to be a long night. Well, the sun rises about 3:30 anyway.

14 thoughts on “Walkabout in my mind

  1. Laying awake trying to organize all of your thoughts…I say from experience…GET UP!… sit down with pen and paper…”The old fashioned way”…and list your ideas…your needs…your questions…Prioritize …and take each item as it comes…brain will be settled…sleep will come…and ideas are there the next morning…Just my experience…learned the hard way…and for some reason the things “Worrying” us so much don’t seem so bad…GOOD LUCK! ~mkg


  2. So much to think about and so much out of your control right now. That is what always seems the hardest from me, waiting on situations for which I have very little control. And I love the husband. He sounds a lot like my husband who gives me practical words and yet, even though his words may be true, they are not the words I want to hear. Blessings for rest and closure as you move forward one day at a time.


    • Yes, I’m not fond of waiting! However, that seems to be our lot at the moment. And yes, Rob is the practical one between us. That is, I think I’m practical, and he always lets me know how I’m off track! Thanks for your blessings coming my way. I’m sure we can use all we can get! ~ Sheila


  3. I’m a Gemini, too, and like you, I have solved many of the worlds largest problems while lying in bed late at night … and … sometimes all that comes of it is that I crash for a few hours only to awake and not remember them. Still … I think sometimes that it’s necessary for me and, in its way, is a purge of sorts.

    It is frustrating to have all systems go (in your mind anyways) and then have a lifeblock land right in front of you (the bridge, the home sale). I have to trust it will all work out the way its supposed to … I know that sounds trite, but … still somehow it feels that there’s more to this story.

    Puffs to you!


    • Well, I’m a Virgo, Rob is a Gemini…and I think you have the opposite mix, if I recall correctly…Hubbs is a Virgo? Makes for an interesting pairing, doesn’t it?!

      Yes, I’m sure there’s more to the story of this house, and we’ll just have to wait it out a bit to see where we go with this. I’m not convinced that we couldn’t sell it before this massive project begins, but if not, we are already creating a dual life…part of the year here in AK, and we are looking for where we want to create a second spot for ourselves…probably Pacific NW, but definitely somewhere in the lower 48. I need to be closer to family, and I need more road to drive than this island gives us! ~ Sheila


      • I’m a dork. I was responding to your post and adding to Dianna’s comment.

        I do remember you are the reverse Virgo/Gemini to me and my hubbs .. bizarro world 🙂

        I will await the rest of the story and hope good thoughts for you as well ~ MJ


        • No, no, not a dork! Just a very busy woman with a lot of people commenting and coming and going in your digital world. I wasn’t being critical of you for not remembering! In fact, I started not to say anything, but thought you might think it odd if I say something later this year about a birthday in September! Thanks for your good wishes! I think this story is going to take a while to unfold, but the good news is, we have a house, we have ability to pay for the house, and we are healthy! So I’m telling myself that the problems we have are nice ones to have, and putting a new attitude on my face! ~ Sheila


  4. Oh, I could write the part of your post about insomnia some nights. I have to ask: are you by any chance a Gemini? I am, and I, too, have written so many letters in my mind at night. I’ve heard that it’s a characterstic of those born under the sign of Gemini. (I don’t put much stock in the horoscope, but always thought that was interesting!) I “tweak” on my blog posts during the night too.
    Now I have a word to go with those mind games at night: hot-wiring!
    Good luck on the construction project AND selling your home. That’s a bit scary…. but it will all work out! It is something to keep you awake at night, though.


    • Thank you Dianna, for your words of encouragement. I’m sure it will all work out…I just don’t see the way yet.

      Funny, MJ said something similar about being a Gemini. And I am not a Gemini, I’m a Virgo. Like you, I don’t put a lot of faith in the horoscope or what my sign says about me on any given day. But I must admit, the general descriptions are pretty good. My husband and son are both Geminis, and I could swear that I frequently lived with four instead of two…they really do have that twin thing going!

      As for the hot-wiring term…that came from some life coaching…I do it all the time, even though I am more aware of that style of conversation, and that it can be hard to follow…but that’s just how my brain works…I interrupt myself with new flashes of thought. Maybe it’s a sign of intelligence? I can only hope! ~ Sheila


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