The last time I posted was July 7. The months since have been a whirlwind of travel, work, family, guests, and healing.

Yes, my foot is healing. It seems slow to me, but since this is my first experience with a broken bone, maybe I’m just impatient. I’m still wearing flats…no heels since June 30, which is a long time for a short woman to go without a boost in height. But thankfully, the pain in the fractured area is almost completely gone.

We trekked back to the South in July to see parents and extended family, and took a few extras with us. Riley and Jack and Stephanie made the trip and soaked up cousin and grandparent time.

Jack found a sign with a familiar name:

There was crafting (thank you Pinterest!)

And we ate just a wee bit…both my mom and my mother-in-law are cooks of the first order. And we had to have Cock of the Walk fried catfish. No trip to Mississippi is complete without that familiar stop. This time we worked it in on our way back to the airport. We were down to the wire, but we got our fill of the classics: hush puppies, fried dill pickles, and the star of the show, southern fried catfish. (If you’ve never had this southern staple, do yourself a favor and put it on your list to track down. Make sure the fish is farm raised, and that you find a good restaurant with a cook who knows how to fry. Your best bet is to go south.)

Stephanie and the kids went home, and Rob and I spent a few days in New Orleans between visits to parents. Although August in Louisiana is not for the faint of heart, the old downtown areas of the city are charming, and the food was amazing. I’ll be having some more of that next time I head south. 🙂 We celebrated our 36th anniversary, and walked off some of the calories, exploring the French Quarter, visiting the National WWII Museum (which is excellent),

and wandering through the Arts – Warehouse District, and up, down, and around Bourbon Street.

We ate at three wonderful restaurants, trying something different each night we were in town. And each was an experience worth repeating: Revolution, Domenica, and Restaurant August. You know you’re in a food paradise when everyone gives you their top restaurant picks and everyone has a different list…there are so many great choices! And we didn’t even go to any of the iconic restaurants. I wanted to eat where locals eat, and we hit the jackpot. I seriously think you can’t go wrong in that city, as far as dining.

Also fun, at breakfast we had watermelon juice. Now how cute is that?

And shrimp and grits. Ah, food of the south!

Now, ask me about the humidity and that’s a different conversation! It takes a lot for me to feel hot enough to appreciate air conditioning, having lived without it for most of my life…you just don’t need it that often in the foothills of Colorado, or in Alaska. But I was grateful for it in New Orleans! I honestly don’t know how people survived in the south before AC.

I never go south without bringing back a little something. This time I hit tomato season, and although I never really get my fill, I had several tomato sandwiches during our visit (only white bread, mayo, sliced tomatoes and salt, thank you!). And I brought back enough to have a round of BLTs in Alaska. Just another tasty thing I hand carried all the way. Lucky for me, tomatoes are allowed through airport security!

We had some cousins come up for a week after our trip south, and got in a little bear viewing:

And finally, Riley and Jack just spent a week with us, their first time to visit without parents. It was fun, and reassuring that I could find my way back to child-caring mode. We’d kept them before in their home, but this was their first time to stay with us in our home without mom and dad on hand.

Oh, we had a good time!

Neighbors shared kids to play with and a trampoline to jump on.

There was a fierce Uno battle, and we broke out the Chinese checkers.

The weather cooperated while they were here. We had beautiful days and perfect evenings.

There were shenanigans:

And just when I thought Jack’s energy knew no bounds, he crashed.

Last Saturday they had their first float plane trip, traveling from the Metlakatla airport (also known as the float plane dock) over to Ketchikan, to catch the Alaska Airlines flight to Seattle.

It was a fast trip to take them down on Saturday and head back up Monday. Sunday afternoon, we made it to a local fair:

And now, catching my breath, I know why the past two months have been a blur, and why I’m pooped!

Why, hello, September, and all things pumpkin! It was a glorious summer, but I’m ready to get cozy!

 

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Walking…we take it so for granted. Just last Friday I was walking effortlessly, no thought required. No planning for how to get myself around.

In fact, in our current state of car-less-ness (that means we don’t own a vehicle) I walk more than I drive, or ride. It helps that we live about a five-minute walk from the clinic where we work, so walking to the office is simple, something I do in all weathers.

Last Friday I was walking to work, as usual. Laptop bag, phone, and coffee in hand, I was within sight of the door when I mis-stepped…tripped…slipped…something happened. Suddenly, I was flat on the ground, everything I was carrying scattered around me, and I got up with that stunned and shaky feeling of “what just happened?!” You know the moment when you’re not sure if you’re about to laugh or cry, or laugh and cry.

Well, you know how awkward you feel in these little situations. As I began to very carefully pick myself up, not sure yet if I’d done any real damage, embarrassment kicked in, and my initial shock turned to hope that no one saw my spill. I felt like a cartoon character with the wind knocked out of me and my dignity spilled on the ground with my coffee. You know the very flat version of a cartoon that’s suddenly one dimension? Yep!

Not that I have that much dignity to be concerned with…I’m not one to walk around thinking too highly of myself. But it’s never fun to be upright one moment, and splatted on the ground the next. It’s the shock factor, you know?

I gathered myself and my belongings, beginning to think about my technology and hope it was all safe (only a few months ago I dropped my phone and experienced the trauma of a shattered screen, and let me tell you, that left a mark!). I got inside the door and then hobbled to my office to inspect me and my things for damage.

Skinned knee, check. Cracked glass on my phone, check (though this time it was only a lower corner, so not quite as devastating as before). Laptop was ok, thankfully it was in a padded case. Coffee was mostly saved, thanks to my indestructible container! 🙂

The real damage was to my foot. There were no protruding bones, but it hurt. It hurt quite a lot, actually! I was wavering between “I think I’ll sit down and cry about this” and “no, no, I’m fine, really!” You know, that song and dance you do when you hope if you downplay a situation, it’s going to be ok without intervention. If you need intervention, that’s never good.

So x-ray? No, I’m really ok, thanks! Something for the pain? I’ll just grin and bear it, I’ll be fine! (Big smile here!)

I remembered I had a conference call scheduled that morning, so I decided to go back to the house and join the call while I sat with my foot propped up. I dug a bag of frozen green peas out of the freezer drawer and put it over the now-rapidly swelling part of my foot. Ahh…better!

I babied it all weekend. And it did feel a bit better by Monday. But wisdom said it would be best to have it x-rayed and know for sure if I’d fractured anything.

Peter, the x-ray tech at the clinic, was hopeful right along with me. He told me he’d x-rayed breaks that weren’t swollen at all, and injuries that looked terrible but were fine. So I confidently thought my foot would fit in the latter category…not pretty, but hey, I was walking on it, right? Well, limping, anyway.

Um, no, not right.

The radiologist’s read found a fracture in the 5th metatarsal. It’s the type that sometimes doesn’t heal well…you have a “non-union” of the fracture, and 20-30% of these breaks end with surgery to repair the damage. That’s a wee bit alarming to hear.

So this is my new look, for the coming weeks:

No cast, but a rigid-sole shoe that keeps me from bending my foot as I walk-limp around. I’m pretty motivated to be compliant. I have no desire to be in the 20-30% group and be meeting a surgeon later this summer! My hope is to be done with my new shoe by late July. I’m traveling then, and I really don’t want to be sporting this lovely look. I miss my heels already! And Riley and Jack are spending a week with us at the end of August, and I definitely need to be my fully-mobile self by then. Have you ever tried limping to catch a four-year-old?

Anyway, the whole experience reminds me just how much I take for granted. Like simple walking. The ability to go and do and manage life without crutches, boots, or hobbling around is so important.

After a vision of spending the summer in a cast, or on crutches, or needing a wheel chair to get through airports has sunk in, I’m mindful. I was told to have my foot x-rayed weekly for the next three or four weeks to keep a check on the healing progress, so I’ll do that. I was told to take calcium, so doing that. I was told not to flex my foot, so I’m trying to be very aware of that movement, and avoid anything that will stress the injury.

Who knew a simple mis-step could cause all this bother?! Still looking for the upside here. The best takeaway so far is to be more empathetic toward anyone limping around and dealing with injuries. (Not that I wasn’t sympathetic before…but now!) It’s definitely not fun, and puts a damper on life when you have to think about every step…is it worth getting up to do (fill in the blank)? And already feeling a bit off-balance makes me uncomfortably aware how easy it would be to trip and re-injure myself. I don’t like feeling limited, or lacking confidence to do the most basic thing we humans do…just walk.

If you’re walking around without having to think about it, be thankful! And be careful! Trust me, the slightest mis-step, and you too could be modeling the latest fashion in the healthcare shoe industry!

Well, here’s hoping to be done with this in a few weeks. Looking forward to wearing heels again, and having matching shoes!

 

It’s been a long hard run for all of us weary spectators to the blood sport of American presidential politics. Are you as exhausted as I am?

I’ve posted before about this sad chapter in American history. How did we get here? I know there are enthusiastic supporters for both major party candidates, but I can’t help but feel that whoever wins, we’ve all lost.

We’ve lost our collective dignity, and I believe, a large measure of world respect. I’m embarrassed for the whole lot of us. I can’t imagine where we’ll go from here. I think it will take a long time to rebuild faith in our process, in our system. So many charges of corruption and both major candidates being unfit to serve…it’s disheartening to think this is what we’ve come to.

I know elections from other eras also had a lot of mudslinging, accusations of dishonesty and scandal. Maybe what we’re experiencing isn’t unique. But it feels that way. It feels like we’ve stooped to new lows, as a country. I want debate discussions to be about issues that affect us all, not about salacious personal details or possible criminal charges. I’m tired of the national political figures seeming more fit to be in a soap opera than the next leader of the United States.

I want to believe. Maybe that’s just naiveté I never outgrew, but I want to be able to believe in our leaders. I don’t care if the president is man, woman, black, brown, white, or whatever ethnic background…I just want this person to be honest, and to try to do what they promise. I’m not looking for perfection. I am looking for sincerity.

And as important, I want to believe our system is honest. How can any of us feel good about anyone winning the election if we can’t believe it was won honestly and fairly?

I’ve given up hope for this election. I couldn’t vote for either candidate, though I did vote down ballot. But here’s what I do hope:

• I hope we’ll see a grass-roots movement rise up and demand that both major parties clean house, clean up any whiff of corruption or dishonesty, and improve their internal processes to allow more access, and more transparency. It is disgraceful that we have two candidates who are widely disliked and distrusted. What does that say about us as a nation, that these are the best we could field for this office?
• I hope we can have a national conversation about the lessons learned from this cycle, and what we can do better…surely that would cover almost everything that’s happened.
• I hope we’ll find ways to require voter id from everyone, and at the same time ensure that process leaves no one out…voter id requirements should never be used to limit voting.
• We need to talk about the pros and cons of early voting and any voting options that reduce voting on election day. I understand the value of absentee voting, but I also think all these voting options make it more difficult to ensure voting is fair and that votes are counted accurately. Whether I’m happy about any election outcome or not, I want to believe results are accurate based on actual votes. It demeans the process and erodes faith when we can’t believe in our system, whether the charges are that one party is trying to stuff the ballot box, or the other party is trying to suppress votes. We need clean voting, and we need to make it an easy task…in this era of brilliant technology, surely we could sort this out?
• I think we need to redesign the process as to the way some states seem to matter, and others don’t. You see this during primary season, and definitely for the national election. So many states are really just taken for granted…maybe that’s inevitable given the known voting records and demographics, but still, it feels unfair and unbalanced that half a dozen states, or maybe even a single state, can be make-or-break for the winner. Another reason to require everyone, in both primary and national elections, to vote on the same day.
• I think we need to shorten the election cycle, by law, so we end these never-ending runs for office that begin as soon as the last vote is cast in the current cycle. Enough! Give us a break from the madness! Spend some time doing the job, not simply campaigning to keep the job at the next election.
• We need to limit the amount of money anyone can spend on a campaign. We need to find some way to both control the money that special interest groups throw at the process, and open opportunity to candidates who are not personally wealthy or come from political pedigrees…in other words, make it possible for “average” Americans to have a shot at political offices, even the highest one. When I say “average,” I don’t mean to dismiss education or pertinent experience…those requirements should be a given…but we definitely need new ideas, new blood and innovation.
• I’ve read pros and cons about term limits. I think our system would be healthier if politicians could not become entrenched for life, regardless of job performance. Same for judges, at all levels. I particularly think Supreme Court judges should have service limits. Elected officials should serve and move on to something else, and I’d also like to see regulation of politicians moving into lobbyist positions…I’m not sure much good will be achieved with term limits if politicians can simply move next door and continue to be part of the process in the private sector. I really think we need some way to ensure that once a politician has hit term limits, he/she is required to return to civilian life rather than stay on in the political arena of influence.

I’ve said I’m less concerned about who wins than that the winner be a person of integrity and that they, and their entourage, be people of honor. I would like to think honor still exists among those who seek high office.

I’m not one to advocate for rebellion or violence, but I’m convinced after the travesty we’ve witnessed, with all the drama, name calling, and dirty tricks, we, the American public, deserve better, and should demand change before we go through another electoral cycle.

You have to be an adult to vote. I would like to believe I have choices of responsible, honest, and honorable adults to vote for. We have serious problems, and we need serious candidates to step up. But we, the voting citizens, have an obligation here too…we need to raise our voices to demand change, demand honesty, and get involved at every level to ensure that happens.

Maybe then we could get excited about voting again.

Last summer we rented a house built beside a stream. The house wasn’t air-conditioned, and even in the temperate climate of Hawaii, it was stuffy without the windows open, and ceiling fan running. So we slept with open windows, and the sound of water running through our nights.

A funny thing, I noticed the stream didn’t bother me. I noticed it because running water at night usually does bother me. When the source of the water is a toilet that keeps filling, or a faucet that isn’t completely turned off, I hear the trickle of water and I can’t unhear it. It annoys me, keeps me awake, disturbs my rest.

What is the difference between the two? The stream was actually louder than a trickle from a toilet that keeps filling, or a leaky faucet.

I think the answer is how I framed the noise. The stream, I told myself, is soothing, natural, a white noise that’s calming and peaceful. It’s a good thing.

The leaky faucet or ever-filling toilet…nothing soothing about those sounds, and I feel like I have to get up and address the issue. To ignore it would keep me tossing and turning all night.

It’s all about the frame I put around the noise, and the story I tell myself.

Ah ha…

I wonder how else I demonstrate this principle in my life?

Some issues have to be addressed, have to be challenged, have to be sorted out.

But how many battles do I fight that don’t need fighting? What if I tried to re-frame the things that bother me, to see if re-framing changed my attitude?

It’s a question worth considering, and worth answering.

Can I see differently? Can I frame people in my life through a different lens? Can I use a filter of kindness and patience to help ratchet down frustration?

There was a time when I was impatient with life, a time when I wanted everything to be fair, and it bothered me a lot to see inequity. I saw life in a concrete way, with little tolerance or allowance for the realities of the in-between.

I thought if I complained about unfairness or things that needed improving, that would help. Instead, it mostly created conflict.

The reality is many situations are colored in shades of gray. Most relationships have their strong points and weaknesses. People are a mixture of great character and qualities, and habits that annoy, distract, and grate on nerves. Work is usually the same mixed bag…things we like, things we don’t, or maybe even things we hate.

Some elements in my life are less-than-perfect, and I’ve come to accept that. After all, I’m not perfect either, and I know it.

The challenge is always drawing the lines: what can we re-frame or accept…live with, if you will…and what issues will we dig in and fight for?

There are things worth working for, things that need to be changed. But a lot of what frustrates just isn’t important, in the big picture.

And yet, so much of the little stuff gets in the way of the good stuff! The irritants of life derail the day, shift the focus, sharpen tones.

I need to do a better job of framing. I need to recognize that the habits that annoy, or the things that go wrong in my day, are not worth angst, and certainly not worth spreading my frustrations to others.

Why do I let something insignificant be more important than the people I love, or the issues of real value? I think it’s because the small things are often the barriers of the moment…those “in your face” challenges that lead to a spike of temper, raised voices, impatience or unkindness.

That’s not who I want to be on any day.

And so I remind, and re-train, and ask myself, on a regular basis, “how does this help?” How does it help my day to bark at my husband, or tell myself a story about all the things that have gone wrong since I got up this morning?

Perspective, re-framing, choosing to live out of kindness and patience, rather than frustration…none of this makes me a saint. In fact, it’s hard work to coach myself out of these attitudes. But living with intention makes me happier and calmer. And that’s a gift to myself that’s worth the effort of re-framing.

I find it’s a lesson I have to re-visit often. I remind myself of the good things, the great people in my life. I practice gratitude. I ask myself what will matter in a year, or even in a week? Will it be this issue that flashes up to cause anger, or make me feel like I’m doing more than my fair share?

Please understand…in the words of Ann Voskamp, I’m preaching gospel to myself. I don’t do this well, or all the time. But I see it…I see how often I’m my worst enemy, letting the little things become big, and forgetting what’s truly important…the laughter of someone I love, health, opportunity to do something good with my day.

So, re-framing…perspective…gratitude…the lessons come packaged in different ways, but the bottom line is always the same. I have the ability to shape my life, my happiness, by what I focus on, by choosing the narrative I rehearse to myself.

I have the power. You have the power in your life. That’s the thing…we each have this amazing potential to frame our lives with joy and humor, or to frame our lives with anger and impatience.

Once more, for today, I promise myself to see differently, to show patience, and to ask my favorite question, “how does this help?” It’s a habit that requires daily practice, this effort at re-framing.

And maybe I won’t have to worry about that trickle of water I sometimes hear at night. 🙂

~ Sheila

 

 

Today is Alex’s 29th birthday, and I’m missing him. I don’t see his face as much as I’d like, for as long as I’d like. That’s the reality of living states apart. The months between visits add up.

What’s a mom to do?

I wish I could do more. I wish I could make his favorite dinner, bake a treat for him. He’s a hard one to gift, he doesn’t need much. He’s a minimalist, and let’s me know it.

He’s a march-to-his-own drummer guy, and I’ve known that for most of his life. He always finds his own opinion, his own way, his style.

I’m proud of him, this son of mine who grew up to be confident and funny, edgy and spiritual, hard-working and loyal, somehow all in the same package.

I don’t always understand him. With mom-like precision, I sometimes say exactly the wrong thing, even when I’m trying to get my words right. It’s one of my gifts, I suppose…I installed his buttons, at least some of them, so I find them with ease.

He’s a man, and also still becoming. I’m eager to watch his story unfolding, see where he goes, what his choices are. He’s surprised me, marching to the drum he hears. I can’t hear the beat, but I’m confident he knows the way.

Happy birthday to my son!

~ Sheila