Joys

The view from my window

/ Sheila / 3 Comments

As the morning mist rises, I look out from the windows in my sunroom to the Tongass Narrows, part of Alaska’s Inside Passage. The small community of Ketchikan, AK, is built along this stretch of coast. There are low mountains all around, covered with the evergreen trees that blanket the Southeast of Alaska in forest. This time of year, early December, the tops of the mountains have a frosting of snow. Although this is Alaska, the Southeast’s climate is temperate, and rain is the most significant weather feature. The view is beautiful, a combination of nature’s serenity and the human traffic of the region: fishing boats, both recreational and commercial, barges, all types of marine vessels. And float planes, the ever-present air transporation so vital to this area. In the summer season huge cruise ships are the most prominent traffic on the water.

I have had many views from my windows in the past thirty years. I have been fortunate to live in some pristine and scenic places. Colorado was home for almost twenty years, and from the Western Slope view of the Grand Mesa and the Redlands to the majestic alpine mountains from the foothills outside of Denver, I had a front row seat to enjoy the beauty of the changing seasons. For a few years in Michigan my view was a suburban neighborhood, filled with children playing street hockey and riding bikes, a kind of ideal Americana image magically preserved from some earlier and more innocent era.

My view will be changing soon. I’m listing the house for sale in January. I don’t know what the new scenery will be, but I’m hoping that it will be beautiful. I’ll admit, I’m spoiled. Maybe this is the opportunity to have a beach view and see amazing sunsets on a daily basis. Or it might be a changing view from the windows of an RV. Whatever is in the future, I’m looking forward to the adventure and the joy of experiencing what’s next.

Little Riley

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Last week, over the Thanksgiving holiday, I had a little taste of heaven. I spent the week with Riley, our seven month old granddaughter. Of course, there were a few others present as well: Stephanie and Matt, and Rob. But this was the first time that Riley was with us as a distinct personality, and it was a joy to experience.

When Riley was born this year on April 22, weeks premature, my first view of her was in a NICU incubator crib with a baby CPAP mask covering her face. Although she was generally healthy, her lungs were a bit immature and she needed a few days of monitoring and growth before she was ready to leave the hospital. That was an anxious time, an introduction to a newborn, tinged with fear as well as the joy of welcoming new life to the family. She was so tiny, so fragile, so remote.

We saw her again in late June, a two month old who had outgrown her need for additional oxygen, who was a growing and healthy infant. But at that visit, although she was a warm and snuggly little armful, she was still sleeping most of the time, still an unknown entity.

The little one I just met is a happy and contented baby, responsive to play, to laughter, to the things she already recognizes as “good:” her bottle, her pacifier, a favorite toy, her parents’ faces. She sings, long drawn out noises that are more than just baby words. She is already expressing joy, finding her voice.

Little Riley is just beginning her journey, but in the space of a few short months she has grown in size and being. She’s becoming a person. She’ll make a unique contribution to the family dynamic. I’m excited to see her again in a few weeks to learn how she’s changed. Last week, she was on the brink of crawling, she was teething. She’ll be more mobile at Christmas, I’m sure, and maybe there’ll be a tooth or two showing in her smile. I’m honored and humbled, once again, to watch the miracle of a young life, growing and absorbing the world she has entered. It will be a journey for both of us. I think I’ll like being “Gram” after all. After all, watching her is reward enough for taking on the title of grandmother.

Shared space and intimacy

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Rob is coming home tomorrow. He’s been in Anchorage for the past few weeks for a combination of work and training. We’ve rarely been apart this long, and I’m ready to have him be a physical presence in my life again, not just a voice on the phone or a text message or email.

I’ve spent too many evenings and weekends home alone in recent months. When I’m home alone, dinner is usually a bowl of cereal or the time honored grilled cheese. Sometimes I get adventurous and pick up something from the deli when I’m at the grocery store. As much as I love to cook, I am completely disinterested in cooking for myself. But cooking dinner for the two of us…there’s enjoyment in that. This week I’ve thought about what we’ll have for dinner tomorrow night; over the weekend. We love fruit and cheese, shrimp cocktail, grilled salmon, roasted squash, caprese salad…I make my list for the grocery, remember to list the hot Thai peppers that Rob loves, tomato juice, egg beaters for his omelettes, the special cheese we both like. Usually we shop together and that’s a shared pleasure, but he has a long flight tomorrow so I’ll have at least the makings of dinner on hand so we don’t have that chore to do right away.

When he’s out of town, the dogs and I take over his favorite chair and I even sleep in a different room. Our king size bed is too big for me by myself, too empty. I move downstairs to the bedroom on the main floor and feel less alone at night in the smaller space. The dogs try to go upstairs to bed; I have to call them down to the room on the main floor. They’re confused by the change: why would I sleep in a different place?

I’ve thought a lot about shared space and intimacy in recent months. Two people can share a space and have little intimacy; or, every detail can suggest intimacy between the two. When Rob is home we have a familiar routine: we’re up early, and on weekdays, he has usually tuned in the market by the opening bell at 5:30. We begin the day with something warm, and then a couple of hours later have a leisurely breakfast. We sit in front of the windows in the sun room and watch the morning activity on the water, the fog lifting, the first jets of the day coming in to land at the airport across the Tongass Narrows.

We talk, discuss, share. Some days are about errands, some are slow and lazy. Some days we work out at the local rec center, sometimes go for a drive or walk down to one of the local beaches. Always there’s the question of what to do for dinner. We don’t cook together…we cook in sync. I put seasonings on meat or fish; he grills. I steam crab legs, he cracks the shells and takes the meat out for both of us. He chooses music to go with dinner, lights a candle for the table, I put the finishing touches on the meal.  Movie after dinner? Or sometimes he watches a foodie show with me.

There is a rhythm to our life that comes from long knowledge of each other. I know his pace and he knows mine. After 29 years together, does that make us dull, or intimate? I know what I think. It’s a sweet and comforting knowledge of this person who has been my partner through thick and thin, through good and bad, through all the cliches and the moments of magic. I’m looking foward to moving back upstairs tomorrow night, to having a dinner companion again, a movie buddy, my friend, my husband. I’m looking forward to sharing my space again.

I LOVE technology!

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Now don’t get me wrong…I don’t understand technology…or at least, I only understand a very little bit, around the edges. But I appreciate it so much!

I live in Ketchikan, Alaska, currently, and before moving here I spent two years above the Arctic Circle, in the small town of Kotzebue. My husband and I moved there for what I call our “empty nest” adventure. Well, four years later, the Alaska experience continues. And every day, I’m reminded of how big a role technology plays in my life.

AT&T, the company my cell service is with, had a tower down in this region over the weekend. I kept staring at my iPhone Friday night and Saturday, which was registering “no service” instead of the normal component of full bars. I don’t have long distance service on the land line in the house, so I was literally cut off from family…but oh, wait, I still had internet access, so I was able to email and send messages via facebook that my line was temporarily down…just so no one would think I had fallen off the face of the earth when I was telephonically silent for 24 hours. Rob is out of town, so he wasn’t here to talk to either. Fortunately my service was restored late on Saturday, so I was once again able to be in touch with the world by cell.

Then there is my recent venture into the world of blogging. I decided that I wanted to give this a try, but knew nothing about how to start a blog. I went online and found a couple of books on Amazon that sounded like just what I needed. I ordered, read, launched my site, and voila! I’m a blogger…not a very experienced one, but I’m learning. And a fascinating world it is. You can do the whole thing for free, if you want, and all the really hard work, the coding, is done for you, behind the scenes. Of course, I’m sure if I want to develop a more sophisticated blog or even a web site, I’ll need to learn a lot more. But the current technology makes it possible even for people like me, who don’t know html code from Morse code, to get started.

And I haven’t even begun to sing the praises of the internet in general. I get most of my news online…the benefit being that if a story looks interesting, I can read all I want. Or if the headline looks scary, I don’t have to click on the link. I love controlling what comes to me. And ebooks…who knew it could be enjoyable to read a book online?! I thought I needed the actual book experience, but while I can still appreciate a beautifully illustrated and bound book, I’ve had no difficulty adjusting to reading books online. Yay for Kindle!

And the online services! Let me just say here and now that if you are not taking advantage of online retail ordering, banking, all sorts of accounts management, and social networking, you are missing the biggest time saver and convenience in modern life…better, in my opinion, than microwaves and sliced bread.

So, although I don’t know how it all works, I love that it does. And that brings me back to Alaska. This is a remote state, much of it inaccessible by road. There are many communities that you can only reach by ferry or plane. Alaska is short on roads. But with internet access, cable, cell phones and jet planes, there is little that you can’t get, even in the bush communities. (Well, you can’t get much restaurant variety or a mall experience, but you can order online and at least connect with the outside world.) Talking with long term residents who have spent a lifetime in this state, hearing their stories, I can only imagine what it was like to live here when the main connection was through snail mail or expensive phone calls.

So here’s a thank you to all the brilliant minds who have invented the things I now consider life necessities. My husband says I have a relationship with my phone, and its true…its a lifeline that I would be lost without. But judging from the number of people I see walking around with phones in hand, I’m not alone…I have a lot of company.

Mahalo

/ Sheila / 4 Comments

This morning I brought my “Mahalo mug” to work with me. I had filled it with coconut caramel coffee from the Kauai Coffee Company http://store.kauaicoffee.com/kauai-coffee-hawaiian-coconut-caramel-crunch-p19.aspx …delicious! This is the mug I got from the resort Rob and I visited in October in Kauai. You may have seen these deals on vacation: you buy a mug from your resort, and then get free refills on coffee, tea, sodas…it’s a gimmick, but not a bad one, and you can bring the mug home if you choose to. I’m not usually one to need souvenirs labeled with the place names of vacation spots…no spoons or knick-knacks for me with national park logos or island names. But who can’t use an extra coffee mug? So I threw it in my luggage when I packed.

Southeast Alaska is getting chilly. Although Ketchikan is on the coast and the temperatures here are nothing like the frozen north of Alaska, we have frost and the occasional snow during winter months. This morning I came out to my car and had to run the defroster for several minutes waiting for the windshields to clear. (My 80 year old house has a tiny one-car garage, designed for a model-T, not a modern day SUV.) So I park outside, and this morning the cold air had frosted everything.

I set the mug on my desk when I got to my office, and looking at the image of the resort pool, I was instantly far away in a warm and sunny place. We all know that music and fragrance can transport us to another time, another place. Who knew a plastic coffee mug could do the same? The little things in life…I’m reminded again and again of their importance. Even if they are plastic and sport a resort name. Sometimes it is less about the object, more about what it evokes. Hawaii is magic…can’t explain it, but it is. And even a cheap coffee mug can’t detract from its allure. In the end, whatever brings you to a happy memory, a good place, is also touched with a little of that magic. So even though I’m not one to be sentimental about coffee mugs, I think I’ll choose this one for a while. Winter is a good time to remember the sun on the sand, the warmth in the air, the exotic aroma of the Hawaiian frangipani, and a week with my favorite husband.

Today I am thankful for:

/ Sheila / 5 Comments
  • Xanax
  • Fall
  • Heavy cream in my coffee
  • My children
  • My family
  • My little dogs
  • A fresh haircut (best day in a woman’s month!)
  • Happy music
  • Brie cheese and tart apples
  • Sunshine
  • Crisp white wine
  • Words that inspire me
  • Kindness from others
  • Photographs
  • Cell phones

Happy Birthday Stephanie!

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Today is my daughter’s 27th birthday. This has been an exciting year for her. She finished her master’s degree, became a full-fledged teacher, she and her husband bought their first house, and, most importantly, she became a mom to Riley. Some years just seem to hold more than others, to be more meaningful than others. And now she is marking her first birthday since these events occurred…all grown up and part of the adult world now! No doubt about it!

This year I’m not doing my ususal lament…where does the time go? How could she be 27? I’m just happy that she is well, productive, and experiencing the joys of her own little family. What more could I ask for her? And the fact that we are able to talk frequently, to share our lives, is icing on the cake.

We’ll be together at Thanksgiving and at Christmas…good opportunities to catch up on baby time! But also, I’m excited to continue to have a part in Stephanie’s life. The little person that came into my life has blossomed into a beautiful, capable and humorous woman. I don’t want to miss the unfolding story before me as I watch in awe the child/woman I gave birth to, now continuing the cycle with her own daughter, and still teaching me about life through this new chapter.

Do you know “Pandora?”

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This is a great find my husband showed me a couple of years ago. For anyone who loves music, lots of different types of music, there is a fabulous free internet radio site, “Pandora,” to enjoy. To explain more fully, this from Wikipedia:

“Pandora Radio is an automated music recommendation service and custodian of the Music Genome Project. Users enter a song or artist that they enjoy, and the service responds by playing selections that are musically similar. Users provide feedback on approval or disapproval of individual songs, which Pandora takes into account for future selections.”

In case you are not in the know, you can download Pandora for free on your computer, your phone, and if you have internet access through your television (don’t ask me the exact details), your tv. You sign up for an account, which is also free, and then you begin to build stations unique to your taste by selecting songs or artists you like. If you have more than one application the account will be updated, so anything you choose in one environment will show up in others. How cool is that?!

There is a wide range of music available, everything from classical to country to pop to religious to seasonal…you get the picture. I can’t promise that they have every song ever recorded, but I would guess most are available.

There is a paid subscription option to Pandora, but honestly I haven’t felt the need to do that. The free site is great and works like a charm. I love technology! (At least sometimes!)

Baby giggles

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My iPhone alerts me to an incoming text: my daughter Stephanie has sent a new photo of Riley, her six month old daughter and our first grandchild. There is an attached audio file. I listen and hear baby giggles, little belly laughs from Riley.

The next week Riley is jumping in her bouncing seat, flexing her legs and squealing with delight. She’s learning to have fun, discovering joy. I hear these little noises over the phone as Stephanie says “say hi to Gram.”

Riley was born in April, a few months before I turned 50. I admit, delighted as I was for Stephanie and Matt, her husband, to welcome this little one, I had a small, vain corner of my heart that was unsure of what this event would do to me. It would make me a grandmother, that much I knew. But would it jettison me into some next life phase that I wasn’t ready for? Would I suddenly BE a grandmother?

Like some other milestones I’ve been unsure about…turning 40, turning 50… becoming a grandmother has been simple after all. Who can resist baby softness, the first giggles, the little face I see in photos? Listening to my daughter talk about Riley, her milestones, her emerging personality, I remember my own early motherhood experiences. I see Stephanie growing, expanding and understanding things I’ve been saying for years.

I like the quote from Elizabeth Stone:

    ” Making the decision to have a child – its momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

And now I know it continues, past the child, on to the next generation.

Riley, ready for Halloween!

The deliciousness of being “us”

/ Sheila / 6 Comments

My husband and I have been married for 29 years. Our last two years have been spent in a non-traditional living arrangement, with him commuting from a work place to our home for long weekends. Currently we’re in the process of making changes. We’ve determined that we don’t like living like this, but are unsure of exactly what the future holds.

Over the past two years, I have had a lot of evenings to myself, and I have had occasion, for the first time since I was 21, to speak more of “I” and “me” than “we” and “us.” I choose what I want for dinner, I choose what I want to do with my evenings. Not that I never had this opportunity, and as the chief cook in our relationship, many times, dinner has been about what I felt in the mood to cook or eat rather than a collaborative choice.

But after so many years of taking togetherness for granted, I am again aware of the deliciousness of being “us.” I love to grocery shop with my husband and to plan our weekend dinners. I watch tv shows with him that I never see when I’m alone. We walk around the lake path together; we watch the sunset together; we have our morning coffee together. These are all simple pleasures, but they all hinge on being “us.” It is difficult to generate a sense of companionship when you’re drinking coffee alone.

With any lengthy relationship, there is a certain point when you will take it for granted. When does that happen? What causes a wake up? We entered the empty nest phase four years ago, and it took awhile to feel that the two of us were the right number in the house. At first, it seemed like it was all wrong to be two instead of four. But with time and recognition of the pleasures of being a couple again, the joy of being “us” has returned. I feel a bit selfish now with our time, and have a need to protect “us” from the intrusion of the outside world. It is good to be friends, lovers, companions, after 29 years, and to once again celebrate “us.”