C.S. Lewis

We’re traveling again, on the road for the Thanksgiving holiday. This year we’ll be with family, seeing different ones over the course of the week. Some years we’ve been with friends, and had to add the family touch via phone. We do the best we can, but making the family connection in person is not always possible. When that happens, friends round out the circle, fill in the space at the table, make the holiday bright.

Here’s what I’ve learned about celebrating and connecting in spirit, since we moved far from family, 27 years ago:

When you connect on a regular basis, holidays are icing on the cake. Holidays don’t have to function as points of glue. The day-to-day relationship is the glue.
Connecting can be as simple as a phone call or Skyping or a card or an email. Or in today’s world, a Facebook post.
Distance can work for you. It can smooth the rough spots and make you appreciate the good stuff.
You’ll only maintain the relationships you nurture. That’s especially true when you have to relate across the miles.
A carefully planned “surprise” visit, or some gesture that shows you’re thinking outside the box…becomes a highlight. There’s nothing more fun than orchestrating a trip like this. And the faces when you pull it off…priceless!
Spending holidays with friends has enlarged our circle and our traditions. Some of my favorite memories are of Thanksgivings with friends. We’ve learned new foods, new games, and built relationships that have lasted over the years, solidified by adopting others as “family.”
Find the right balance between pulling out all the stops for a special gathering, and keeping it real and sane. I’ve learned to pick and choose…we don’t try to do everything, we just try to do a few things well.
Mark the moment. I’ve learned to stop in the middle of the hustle-bustle and just look around and absorb.
Limit the drama. Family gatherings should not be a time of crisis or scenes. Create memories that are good so you’ll want to get together again.
Bring something new to the party…a new food, a new game, something different.
Decide what traditions are keepers. What are you always going to do, no matter who sits at the table?

Holidays don’t wait for life to be perfect. I’ve never quite achieved the Martha Stewart magazine spread for my living room or my dining room, although I’ve tried. Who doesn’t have the ideal scene in their head, just waiting to be unveiled in real life and captured in family photos as proof that it can be done?

But I’ve had better than a magazine spread. I’ve had the real thing, in all its chaos and glory, deliciousness and kitchen failures, to tell me, and those gathered with me: this is the good stuff.

“The sun looks down on nothing half so good as a household laughing together over a meal.” ~ C.S. Lewis

“If we let ourselves, we shall always be waiting for some distraction or other to end before we can really get down to our work. The only people who achieve much are those who want knowledge so badly that they seek it while the conditions are still unfavorable. Favorable conditions never come.”
― C.S. Lewis

I’ve been thinking a lot about time, and the spending of it. I go through my days, spending my time, as if there were an infinite supply of the stuff. I have periods of great energy, great productivity, and then I slump. I hit the proverbial wall. I do the minimums. Get through my days, do my basic chores, exist. This is a frequent lament.

Why do I cycle? I can’t point to any outside influence. There are times of hurriedness, of pressure, and periods of casualness. This isn’t solely about having weekend time, or time carved out of a traditional work life. It is about a cycle of energy and creativity.

I’ve finally come to see this cycle as a break in my ability to create. And I’ve come to recognize that my creativity thrives when I am writing or engaged (whatever the activity) for the pure pleasure and desire to be creative. I am not writing or creating for other purposes. Something more may eventually come from my creativity. Let it! I would love to experience new opportunities because of work I’ve done. But for me, the work should be done for its own reward, and stand on its own merit, first. And here is where I also acknowledge: I am my own audience. This is not an exercise in self-absorption; it is an exercise in self-expression. I am writing, creating, to express myself. Period. If something I write or create touches someone else, I am humbled and happy. But that is not the focus. It can’t be the focus. Because I am not a wise woman, sharing knowledge with others. I don’t have profound thoughts. I have thoughts. I am a woman, sharing my experiences. Others can determine if there is wisdom, or joy, or humor, or anything else of value. I have come to see that creativity is its own reward.

I began this year thinking that I wanted to create a new way to work, and that I wanted to channel my work through writing, through online opportunities. I still want that end result. But I am coming around to the realization that, for me, this process has to begin with the desire to write, rather than the desire to create income. The two may be connected. Or not. I don’t have the answer to that yet. But I know that if I am writing from the heart, the practical details will sort themselves out in time. That’s the nature of life. Maybe some people can make it work from the other direction: set a goal and create to fulfill it. I can’t, and it’s time I acknowledge that.