Riley, Princess and Explorer
This girl has snuggled in deep in my heart. Love this Little!
How lucky am I to be her “Gram!”
Riley Girl
Independence
Last week I heard Riley, two-year old explorer and budding princess, say quite clearly over the phone, “I did it! All by myself!”
A lot of the good things in life are built through cooperation. Working together, sharing, joining hands and hearts to create something big, something meaningful, is a joyful experience. It is good to be part of a team, and a team effort.
But if there is strength in numbers, there is also satisfaction in self-reliance. And though, as was famously noted in our national political discussion recently, no one succeeds without help, still, a lot of success can be ascribed to individual effort.
Even two-year old princesses understand that, and celebrate it, with their cry of recognition: “I did it, all by myself!”
Our son is learning this in a new way. He is establishing himself, all by himself, without ready-made structure in place around him. He’s moved back to Colorado, to the home of his heart, and he’s creating a home that will nurture his heart.
We watch from afar. We talk, but he’s doing the work. We mentor and advise, but he’s doing the heavy lifting.
When he left home, it was to join the army, and surely, there is no more structured environment for a 19-year-old to land in. Now he’s out of the army and navigating without a team around him. He’s job hunting, apartment hunting, life hunting. He has some big decisions to make. Will he, or won’t he, after resisting for six years since high school, choose college and more education? Will he find himself working in whatever job he can land with his skills and experience and be content, or will he choose something that is out of reach at the moment, that he will have to work to attain?
I don’t know, and I’m not sure he does either, at this very moment. He thinks he’s been independent since he joined the army, right out of high school, and to some degree, that’s true. But I see him gaining a whole new footing in the world of adult responsibility. I see him learning, doing, saying, “I did it, all by myself!”
It is good to be 25, and independent! I’m proud of him for doing something I never did…for jumping out there and going for it. He’s not always successful, and we don’t always agree with his decisions. But he owns them, and he stands by them.
My husband says “He’s becoming a man.” It’s an anxious time for me. For all my sunny nature and positive outlook, when it comes to my kids, I’m a first-class worrier. I try to see ahead and around corners and think with them, sometimes for them. But I know, in my heart of hearts, that’s not the right approach. I squelch my anxiety and wait for news of this interview, or that application. No 25-year-old needs a nervous mom hovering in the background. I am not picking him up from kindergarten. This is not his first date.
I thought I already did this. I thought I let go years ago. Funny how you find pockets of emotion as you watch your kids move through different phases of life, through experience. This new bid for independence is exciting for Alex. It makes me nervous. He’s pumped, I’m scared.
But like the earlier moments of letting go, I’ll manage this too. First, because I am physically removed, literally many states and two time zones away, and I don’t have a lot of option. Second, because it is the right thing to do. Though I wish I could provide a safety net for him, the truth is, beyond a certain point, no parent can really protect. The next generation has to find their own way, make their own decisions and mistakes, and celebrate their triumphs.
I’m just waiting to hear, on the other end of the line, “I did it, all by myself!”
July? No, October!
I can’t help myself. I have to say something about the weather in SE Alaska. The first full week of October, statistically the rainiest month of the year, has been beautiful! And we still have a few days of sunny icons on the weather map before the rain comes back. I thought we had missed summer this year. But it turns out, we’ve been here for a nice piece of it. I know it’s only a matter of time, and likely, the end of this month will make up for the beginning. But when you live in a rainforest, you have to appreciate any week that has more than a day or two of sunshine. And when that week comes in October…well, that sunshine is all the sweeter for being unexpected. Happy fall, y’all!
Strategy
I’ve written a strategic plan for a local clinic. I never did that before. I’ve written a lot of things, but this was a first.
Well, Alaska gives you opportunity. A lot of it comes from showing up. You know, being available and actually in the state. Some jobs you can get because you’re here. That’s how I fell into this one. Well, there was a little more to it than that, but being present definitely helped.
Anyway, the experience made me think about my own strategic plan. Or rather the lack of one. I’ve had goals, dreams, hopes. But I never created a strategic plan for myself. Maybe that’s why I find myself running in circles, consumed by commitments that aren’t really taking me anywhere…keeping me afloat financially, filling my time…but not going in a definite direction.
I weave in and out of this mindset, staying busy with life, needs, family, other. Often, for weeks at a time, I push introspection aside. I’m not one to drown in my own thoughts. And then, smack! There it is again…the “what am I doing?” conversation runs circles in my head. This is not about unhappiness. It is about uncertainty. I’m uncertain, and have been for a long time, about the path we’re on. I’ve spent a lot of time, the past couple of years, thinking about the “next.” But I still haven’t found the answer. I struggle with that. Shouldn’t I just know what’s right, what’s best? I’m waiting for some instinct to kick in, but it hasn’t yet. I don’t think it’s going to, and maybe I’ve waited long enough for inspiration to hit. I’m not inspired. But I am a writer. It feels good to claim that for myself. To add that to the list of who I am. It comes a bit more naturally, these days, when my income is largely tied to that effort.
Strategy is important for an organization. And people too.
Well, well. I’ll have to think about that one. And maybe write a plan for myself.
“Life has no remote…get up and change it yourself.”
Reset
October, and life rolls on. Work, love, loss.
Relationships shift. Two in our family are experiencing divorce. Cross country moves, disrupted lives, sadness, renewed hope…so much change.
Through it all, we talk. We listen. We advise. We hope. We get up and do it all over again.
I feel humbled by life. The older I get, the more I think no one has it figured out. No one can fully understand or appreciate another person’s perspective, or choices. The best we can do is to be honest with ourselves, and be kind to others in the process.
Well, maybe that’s enough. Be honest, be kind. Come back to first principles. Appreciate the simple things, the sweet things. Trust that life will work out. Look for the good.
“Don’t stumble over something behind you.”
Passion for reading
I’m a reader. I’m one of those strange people who prefers to read over watching tv or almost any type of recreational activity. I also love pithy quotes. Some people have the gift of choosing just the right words with the perfect blend of wit and wisdom, or truth-telling with clarity as piercing as an arrow.
When we visited Montreal earlier this month, we toured the city’s botanical gardens. One of the exhibits on display was a series of carvings that the artist had designed around the theme of reading and books. Each piece of art featured a quote that the artist had chosen to pair with that particular work. These are a few of my new favorites:
“Ideas are slippery things. Best to keep a pad of paper and a [bunch of pencils] at your bedside, so you can stab them during the night before they get away.” ~ Adapted from Earl Nightingale
“The oldest books are still only just out to those who have not read them.” ~ Samuel Butler
“My arms are killing me. I didn’t know words could be so heavy.” ~ Markus Zusak
“I suggest that the only books that influence us are those for which we are ready, and which have gone a little farther down our particular path than we have yet got ourselves.” ~ E.M. Forster
” ‘Tell me what you read and I’ll tell you who you are’ is true enough, but I’d know you better if you told me what you reread.” ~ Francois Mauriac
“To learn to read is to light a fire; every syllable that is spelled out is a spark.” ~ Victor Hugo
“Reading makes immigrants of us all. It takes us away from home, but more important, it finds homes for us everywhere.” ~ Jean Rhys
“To read a writer is for me not merely to get an idea of what he says, but to go off with him and travel in his company.” ~ Andre Gide
“Always live your life with your biography in mind.” ~ Gareth van Meer
“I wold sooner read a timetable or a catalog than nothing at all.” ~ W. Somerset Maugham
“There is no mistaking a real book when one meets it. It is like falling in love.” ~ Christopher Morley
Happy reading! Hopefully you won’t find yourself reduced to reading a timetable or catalog, like poor Somerset Maugham, but hey, if that’s what’s available, better that than nothing, right?! Or, if you’re Canadian, eh?
Standing Still
Home again, and I’m finding my balance. After two months and five days of travel, I’m in my own bed, my own kitchen, again. The RV doesn’t quite rest, or cook, the same. Still, it offers options the house doesn’t. Haven’t found a way to put wheels on this 90-plus year old home yet.
Ketchikan in September can be wet and wicked, or beautiful, as the past few days have been. It’s perfect fall here, cool, with that certain something in the air that tells me, more clearly than the calendar, that summer is done and October is around the corner. I celebrated by pulling out a few of my favorite things: pumpkins, and a cozy recipe or two, and an arrangement of oranges and browns for the dining room. I put away a few things. Summer clothes and sandals are stored, suitcases are emptied, backpack cleaned out. The fridge is restocked.
The externals are tidied up. Now comes the mental game of tucking back in. Back to work, back to routine. I used to have a hard time doing it after a week or ten days away. But with the new rhythm to life, I have to be more flexible. I kept a few threads of work going while we traveled, the beauty of email and internet access, even if it was somewhat fractured. But the majority of what I do, how I make a living, was on pause while we were going full speed. Funny how incompatible pieces of living can be.
I’m still in the process of creating this life for myself. My husband is more practiced at it, has been doing it longer. For me, the on-again, off-again of work and travel is still a novelty, still a little unsettling. I don’t have it down to a science. I don’t have an automatic feed for employment. The travel is the easy part. Who wouldn’t enjoy rambling for weeks at a time? As long as the money holds out, sign me up!
But on the other end of the trip, I am spent. I love the road, the new places, re-visiting old favorites, and seeing family and friends along the way. That’s a joy and a privilege, and one I don’t take for granted. But at the end of movement, I crave stillness. For a time, I need a time-out.
I am grateful for internet I don’t have to search for, laundry I don’t need quarters for, a full size kitchen, the homey tasks of tidying and puttering that are small in meaning, yet oddly satisfying to my down to earth self. After the last two weeks in Canada, I appreciate using my cell phone without cringing at the added fees for an international call or text. I loved hearing French in Quebec and Montreal, but I’ll admit it’s nice to hear English and know what is being said. I can even admit that I’m ready for a little predictability again.
If I am broadened by travel, home is sweetened by travel. I know that after a few months, I’ll be rested up, ready to go, excited to look at a map and make a plan. But for today, it’s ok that my big outing took me to the hardware store and to get a haircut, and that I’m on deck to make dinner. For now, the everyday has a new glow about it, and it will take more than a few weeks to wear off. For today, I’m standing still.
“Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer” ~anonymous
Nomads on the road
A Quebec landmark, Chateau Frontenac
All done!
Half Dome, Yosemite National Park
We made it! Six weeks of RVing and exploring California! Doable because we are traveling light and pretty inexpensively. That’s one thing about camping…doesn’t cost a lot after the initial set up.
What a state! We’ve spent time in California before, largely in San Diego, with a little time in and around San Francisco. This trip allowed us to visit areas we haven’t seen in the past. The diversity of landscape is amazing, and the biggest surprise of all is how rural a lot of California truly is. I’ve been buying California produce forever in the grocery store…well, it seems like most of the fresh fruit and vegetables come from California….and it makes sense now. From at least the middle of the state north, what part isn’t desert or forest is farm or cattle land. Beautiful, and a wonderful change from the huge population centers of southern California. I’m not really a farm girl…didn’t grow up in that environment. But I love the rural countryside!
I think we’ve found all the winding roads possible, and especially the ones that are difficult for RVing…Rob has had a few complaints about my choice of routes! What can I say? I’ve been driving a little pick up, and he’s been following in the RV. So I’ve had a great time! Driving Highway 1 on the coast, or some of the twisty highways crossing the mountains has been beautiful, and my need for road tripping is temporarily satisfied.
We aren’t souvenir buyers, for the most part. I think we picked up two coffee mugs, designed by a local potter, and Rob bought a baseball cap…his standard reminder of trips we’ve made. Other than that, our biggest purchases have been produce and gas. We hit farm stands and local markets and I’ve had almost enough fresh tomatoes and peaches and strawberries and corn. Almost! Not sure I ever really get done with those flavors. But what a treat to get all of that and more, straight from the fields!
We’ve had pain at the pumps. Try filing two gas hogs on a regular basis! Good for us that our other expenses during this trip have been low. As it is, we’ve done our share of shoring up the oil industry for the past few weeks. Not that it seems in danger. Regardless of the economy, there are people everywhere. Or maybe we’ve just been traveling in popular areas. Maybe we’re just seeing summer in a busy tourist state.
From Yosemite to Lake Tahoe to the broad central valley around Sacramento, and on to San Francisco and the coast, we’ve roamed and crisscrossed. We have some favorite spots and favorite views, and places marked to visit again. We’ve found a few campgrounds that would be perfect to bring our kids to. We’ve remembered all the little tricks to success with road tripping, and RVing in particular. And now we’ve tucked our little caravan away for the next several months, stored in a new place in California, and waiting our next adventures.
Coast, northern California
A giant Sequoia
Can’t get enough of those big trees!
Camping
We are in camping mode.
We used to tent camp/car camp when our kids were with us. We had some great times doing that. But when we decided to spend some extended time traveling, Rob wanted to go the RV route. I think it’s the boy scout in him…the fixer…you’re always fixing things on an RV…who loves a challenge. Some people buy boats or get into hunting or fishing. We own an RV. Or more correctly, our RV owns us, at least when we’re using it for travel.
We have a fridge and freezer in the RV, but we keep an ice chest going too, so we monitor ice. We monitor water levels, grey water and black water (if you don’t know these terms, use your imagination.) We monitor how much fresh water we have, if we’re not connected to water at a campsite. For the uninitiated, there are all sorts of campsites. You can have full hookups, which can include everything from water, sewer, electricity, up to cable and internet. Or you can do just water and electricity, or you can camp without any hookups at all, as long as you have enough water to supply your own needs. The generator runs off gas, so you can turn it on to supply electricity needs. The stove and oven operate off propane.
For purists out there who think this is all faux camping, let me just say: you’re right! No backpacking in over miles of trail for us, and no freeze-dried meals either. I’m sorry, the camping gene just barely made it on board, this is the best I can do. Well, I once could do tent camping, in my former life, but now I’m spoiled to being a turtle and having my portable house with me. I’ve done a pretty good job. I have my Bialetti coffee maker, my cutting board, some favorite knives, a pillow top mattress on the bed, and candles to go with dinner…among a few other comforts. Yes, part of the fun is re-creating a homey environment. But…in national park settings! How cool is that?!
One of the good things about owning vs renting an RV is that over time, we’ve stocked it with a lot of the essentials, like citrus reamers and beach towels…you know, the really important stuff! So when we take it out, we only need groceries and gas and we can be ready to go…providing it’s not been sitting for a year and needs new batteries…but that was yesterday’s post. Anyway, it can be pretty simple to launch.
The hardest part is remembering from visit to visit if we’ve left something in the RV for future use, or if we need to bring something on the next trip. I always think I’ll remember, and I never do. I sometimes make lists, but invariably, if I can’t find something at home, I begin to wonder, did I leave that in the RV? Or, the other question, do I need this for the RV? I’m finding, over time, that it’s easy to have duplicates of a lot of small items. Because if, for example, you find a kitchen gadget that you like for your home, you begin to think, “I could really use this in the RV!” Whether or not that’s true, that’s what you think. Because of course, camping wouldn’t be quite right without the gourmet tools you’ve come to know and love, would it?
Sometimes I just have to stop myself and repeat: We are in camping mode.
Home sweet home!
Hot!!
Hmmm…was it only a couple of weeks ago I was complaining about being chilly in July? Well, change of states, change of complaints! Let me tell you, Arizona and Nevada, which we’ve just driven through, are ovens! Not that this is a news flash to anyone…I just forget the impact of this heat until I’m experiencing it again.
We flew down to Phoenix last week and shuttled to Prescott, where the RV and Rob’s little pick-up have been stored. After almost a year of sitting, there were a few things to take care of. In spite of our best efforts to leave both vehicles travel ready…we even left solar panels plugged in to the batteries to keep those charged…we had two days of maintenance to deal with. Turned out that the RV batteries and the truck battery had to be replaced, and we had some other minor repairs. Got the oil changed in both vehicles, and made a run to the grocery. This is a house on wheels, you know, so it has to be stocked.
We have a class C RV, which Rob drives…I think I’ve driven a total of about 10 miles, on a straight stretch, and that will be my first and last…I’ve told him if anything happens to him, the RV is a goner…I won’t be driving myself around the country, thank you very much! I’m driving the little pick-up. These vehicles traveled down from Alaska separately, and we’ve never traveled extensively using them together. After taking a good look at the cost to add a towing package to the RV and the truck, we decided it is more practical to caravan. Not ideal, but worth it to have a separate vehicle for exploring when the RV is set up at a campsite.
So…we are driving, in July, through the desert Southwest. Our goal is northern California, southern Oregon. We want to do some exploring in those regions. But first, we have to get there. As long as we are driving with the AC on, there is the illusion that the weather is pleasant, the sun is just a nice accent to the day. But stop for a few moments, get out and feel the absolute roasting heat and the almost physical impact of the sun, and I wonder, again, how anyone managed to settle this country. How does anyone who has to work outdoors do it? Is there anyone who lives here without air conditioning? And if so, how? I have a pretty high tolerance for heat, and I rarely sweat. Let’s just say in this heat I need a little more antiperspirant than usual. So if I’m feeling it, I know it’s bad.
Hoover Dam Overlook, Nevada
The views are spectacular. The terrain varies so much…it’s mostly desert, but there are stretches that have more vegetation, more mountains. There are areas that look like moonscape. But it’s all big, huge, massive. No doubt about it, this is an astonishing land. Photos don’t do it justice, not by a long shot.
Driving through, I’m filled with admiration. Sometimes for the scenery, but mostly for the people who made it here. I always come back to the same thought: I would have been a failure as a pioneer. I would have been a cautionary tale with a marker along the wagon trail.
But there were obviously many people who were successful, and it is thanks to them that we can drive through now and find roads, restaurants, gas stations (although there are some stretches that have signs posted…the next gas is 70 miles, 100 miles, etc.). On one lonely stretch in Nevada, we missed a turn and had to decide…go on to the next opportunity for gas, or turn around and try to get back to the last one? I was beginning to see the buzzards circling…And this was in an area that my phone discouragingly said “no service.” Hard to believe there are places where cell phones don’t work, in 2012!
Happily for us, we made it to the next town, the next gas. No need for dramatic rescue. But it does make you realize the heat and isolation are real, and not to be taken lightly.
I had a similar epiphany when we lived in the Arctic…amazing that people survived, and even flourished. I have talents, but I don’t think mine extend to outsmarting the cold, or the heat. So I’m just grateful to have come along at a time when these challenges were already conquered, and be thankful for heaters in Alaska, and in the desert, thrilled to have air conditioning.
Mono Lake, Lee Vining, CA
Grace and Life 